Last week, Rape Crisis, in conjunction with Dunedin independent art space Fresh 'n Fruity, held a hui in order to facilitate discussion around sexual assault, how best to support those who have been sexually assaulted, and how to help create safer spaces within our community.
It was reassuring, after attending the hui, to realise there are so many people in Dunedin who are passionate not only about speaking to these issues, but also about educating people on how they can adapt their behaviour to ensure those around them are happy and safe.
That said, however enthusiastic and productive this community of people might be, I was disappointed to note that only two of those present at the hui were men.
Perhaps there is a general assumption that these sorts of events are primarily targeted at women, or that they primarily concern women.
I would argue, however, that while discussions regarding sexual assault do often focus on women, this is not an issue that only affects women.
This is in an issue that falls under the umbrella of feminism, and feminism, while it seeks to dismantle patriarchal social systems, aims to benefit all genders.
I understand many men might feel uncomfortable attending these sorts of events because they might feel they are unwelcome, or that they do not have the appropriate base knowledge to contribute to or to follow the discussion.
To address the issue of men feeling unwelcome in these discourses, I would say this sense of unease comes down to a misunderstanding of what people are hoping to achieve by organising these forums and meetings.
Nobody wants to single anyone out and blame them for all of the wrong done in the name of patriarchy and masculinity, they simply want to draw attention to these wrongs and work out the best way to right them.
Knowledge is where things get a little bit tricky.
Personally, I have felt compelled to read about feminism and to actively seek information on what it means and what it has meant to be a woman in our society from both academic and anecdotal perspectives.
Here I am privileged by my upbringing in a white, liberal, middle class family.
I have had to seek out this information independently because our education system largely fails when it comes to teaching both boys and girls about gender and what does and doesn't constitute appropriate sexual conduct.
But, unfortunately, as a woman, I haven't had a lot of choice when it comes to having to learn to confront sometimes violent misogyny in everyday life.
For every woman, learning about sexual assault, and how to try to stay safe in a society that inherently condones sexual assault, is an exhausting and ongoing necessity.
Men have been failed by the education system, and by a society that doesn't appropriately address these issues in the mainstream.
And this failure means a lot of men don't realise there is more they need to learn, and that they need to actively and independently further their knowledge.
For me, a lot of the content in these meetings is stuff I already know.
Attending is a means of reassurance that there are like-minded people, and an opportunity to discuss these issues with a broader range of people than just my immediate social circles.
There isn't much sense in a small group of people talking about things they know and agree on over and over again, so that's why it seems paramount that men understand they are welcome to come along and to learn, and to be a part of changing things for the better.
Things can only get so far if men are too afraid or in the dark to know what's going on.
Millie Lovelock is a Dunedin student.
