The Dunedin music scene is now living in a post-Chick's Hotel wasteland.
We've lost our best venue, the venue where there were gigs worth going to, and it's going to take a while to get back on our feet. But, when we do, we're going to have to have gigs in town.
Having gigs in town is not necessarily a bad thing. It is more convenient and hopefully that will draw more diverse crowds and maybe entice a few people who do not normally go to shows. I am excited about that, but it also makes me nervous.
I loathe that the Dunedin scene be so exclusive and hostile, but I've been made to feel too uncomfortable by too many people who don't know how to act at gigs to feel altogether excited by the prospect of welcoming more people into a small community that itself is only just starting to learn about safety and respect.
I've said this kind of thing so many times before, and it's not difficult stuff, but a lot of people don't think independently about how to behave at shows so it bears repeating over and over again.
First things first, no matter how messy and anarchic the music might be, there is no excuse for a lack of self-control. It can be tempting when you see a band losing it on stage to think that anything goes, but it doesn't.
When you're sharing a space with other people, you have to remember that everyone deserves to have the best possible time, and this means that you need to be physically and emotionally respectful the entire time you are in and around that space. Ideally, you would be this way always, but some people need to start small.
There are a few simple things you need to remember about behaving respectfully, and I'll start with the physical component. When you're at a show, chances are you're going to be in close proximity to a whole lot of people. This doesn't mean that touching people without their consent is acceptable.
It's never OK, and gigs are no exception. It's not punk or rock'n'roll to be a dirty sleazebag. The idea that music and sexually loaded behaviour are inseparable is outmoded and boring, and if you're taking your cues from the Rolling Stones or Bret Michaels then you need to grow up and go home.
Emotional respect might sound abstract and complicated, but it's really not. All you need to do is think about how you're speaking to people. Don't harass people and pay attention to body language and signals. If you're paying attention, it's obvious when you're talking to someone who doesn't want to talk to you.
Think about what effect your words are going to have. Don't heckle performers, don't shout slurs at people, don't sexually harass people. Gigs are already threatening places for a lot of people and everyone has a personal responsibility to make sure they're not making anyone feel any more marginalised than they already do.
For example, if you've just seen a band with a woman in it, don't go up to that woman and say ‘‘you were good, for a woman'' or any variation on that sentiment.
In fact, if you're surprised a woman was good at something, you're better not to talk to her at all. Aside from anything else, if you're that kind of person we don't need to hear the words to know you're thinking them, and your backhanded compliments are better left unsaid.
The Dunedin music scene is pretty great, and if you want to go to gigs then please do. Just please remember that everyone wants to have a nice time, so keep that in mind.
If you're struggling with what kind of behaviour is or isn't appropriate, ask someone. We're all learning and growing and the current scene is by no means perfect, so make sure your contribution is as positive as it can possibly be.
●Millie Lovelock is a Dunedin student.
