SOUTH KOREAN PRESIDENT
LEE JAE MYUNG:
Please everyone be seated. Dinner is dumplings made with truffles and ogol chicken.
CHRISTOPHER LUXON:
You guys should come to New Zealand. We have the best chickens in the world. I guarantee you will want to "ogol" our chickens! You know — ogle. You will want to ogle them. Ha, ha! But not the women. Don’t ogle them. That’s sexist.
DONALD TRUMP:
You don’t have women we’d want to ogle? What sort of country is that? Who are you, anyway? Have we met? I never forget a face.
CHRISTOPHER LUXON:
I’m the Prime —
DONALD TRUMP:
Are you the guy from Unilever? Incredible company, making an incredible range of levers. It’s a thrill to sit down here today with so many visionary innovators and titans of industry, the most brilliant in the world actually. The thrill is yours, because I am a visionary titan and another thing, right now the United States is blessed with the strongest economy, the strongest borders. This all happened over the last nine months. Nine days. Nine minutes. Life comes at you fast. We have the strongest military, the strongest friendships, and the strongest spirit of any nation on the face of the planet. Including other planets, and let’s not underestimate Pluto, Mars, they are beautiful planets but they have nothing on this planet where the United States rules supreme. This is a golden age. I knew we could do it. I just didn’t know we were going to do it this quickly! This morning, I heard loose talk of over $18 trillion of new investments in the United States. The previous administration, in four years, they raised about $37.50, but I doubt it was even that much. But now we have the strongest doors, the strongest windows. But the strongest levers are made by this fellow here who is the CEO of Unilever.
CHRISTOPHER LUXON:
I was, but now I’m —
DONALD TRUMP:
This chicken is very black. Is it supposed to be black? It’s not a good colour. I’ve never seen a black chicken before. What’s going on?
LEE JAE MYUNG:
Ogol chicken is black in appearance. It is a very famous dish.
DONALD TRUMP:
Well, if you say so. My friend from Unilever, he’s pushing it around the plate with his fork, he doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going. I never forget a head. He’s an interesting man with a beautiful head of hair. He’s an incredible man. But I want to be known as the incredible shrinking man, because I’ve shrunk the size of government. 100,000 bureaucrats have left the federal payroll. We’re getting rid of wasteful jobs. No-one knew what they did. They didn’t do anything. And no-one misses them. I certainly don’t miss them.
CHRISTOPHER LUXON:
Well what I would say to you is that I’ve done much the same thing. I’ve made tens of thousands of people unemployed and it’s really turned things around.
DONALD TRUMP:
You see? He catches on quick. I propose a toast to my friend from Unilever. How many levers this guy pulls, I don’t know. But it’s a lot. No wonder he’s lost his hair. But there he is, and he’s always smiling.
He smiles so much it’s a wonder he isn’t in some terrible pain. It’s not good for him to smile like that. His eyes are moist. Is he crying?
I don’t want to see grown men crying. I have to go. It’s been a wonderful evening. The food, incredible. Apart from the black chicken. Good night. God bless you all, especially my friend from Unilever.
CHRISTOPHER LUXON:
Can we talk about tariffs?
DONALD TRUMP:
No.
