I like pesto.
Pesto bursts on to the taste buds with an exuberance of herby goodness, its roughly chopped basil with a drizzle of oil, flakes of sea salt, lashings of garlic and sublime parmesan cheese working together to forge such a lush, oozy consistency it carries you across a sea of joy on an enormous wave of flavour, leaving you prostrate on a metaphorical tropical beach of satisfaction.
I don’t like antipasto.
It’s too negative.
Haast eagles are cool, but it probably wouldn’t be that good if they made a comeback.
The giant eagle was the largest predator in New Zealand at one time, like sometime in the past or something.
The largest eagle species known weighed up to 18kg and had a wingspan up to 3m.
Its legs and bill were larger and stronger than the largest living vulture species, and its claws were as big as a modern day tiger’s. The gigantic bird could kill moa,
and spirit human children away to its evil lair.
That last bit would be the deal-breaker in terms of its reintroduction into modern day New Zealand.
If they were reintroduced, perhaps using some scientific method that had something to do with DNA or something, it would be exciting at first.
There would be the first sighting in Dunedin, perhaps with the Haast eagle perching on one of the St Paul’s Cathedral spires, its unearthly piercing shrill echoing against the sheer walls of the city, waking elderly men having their afternoon nap in Roslyn and causing passing office workers to crane their necks skyward in confusion and
alarm.
It would make the newspaper, and people would welcome its return, marvelling at the science that made it possible.
Then the first child would be taken, perhaps a toddler at a kindergarten.Worried parents would have public meetings.
There would be petitions, anti-Haast eagle groups would be set up, and social media would be full of outrage.
There would be a raft, perhaps a slew, of negative news stories as public opinion turned against the giant birds, and people would call on the Government to do something.
Vigilantes would populate the hills, determined to wipe them from the earth.
Society would break down.It probably wouldn’t be that good if Haast eagles made a comeback.
If you had to walk from Dunedin to Auckland, it would take ages.
It would take six hours and four minutes to walk to Dunedin Airport, or six hours 13 minutes if you went via Gladstone Rd, even though both routes are exactly 28.4km.
I wouldn’t go via Gladstone Rd.
It would take too long.
I have a difficult relationship with myself from the past.
I don’t like myself from the past, as that person was terribly ignorant, and knew so little compared with present me.
He wasn’t any good at the things I have since trained for and can do quite well now.
He said and did a lot of stupid things.
Some of them are embarrassing and horrible to think about, in fact, kind of excruciating, especially if I wake up in the middle of the night and start thinking about them.
Past me was full of stupid romantic ideas, was self-centred and selfish and made stupid decisions that got me where I am now.
I hate him.
I’m not so worried about future me.
I know I’m doing some things — quite a lot of things, actually — that will impact on his existence in one way or another.
Maybe he’ll be more forgiving of present me than I am of past me.
But I don’t really care.
He’s not me now, and I’m not really bothered what he thinks.
He can deal with the fallout of my actions.He can go to hell.
Judgemental idiot.
What might help with sea-level rise is if lots of people built boats and lived on them.
That way there would be more things in the sea, and the level of water would be higher.
I’m not sure if this is true, scientifically, but it could be.
Dunedin has become a much better place by realising the importance of its heritage.
We sell ourselves to outsiders as a heritage city, something that has become an essential part of our tourism offering.
We sell ourselves to ourselves by doing up our heritage buildings, then feeling pretty good about ourselves for doing so.
It’s been a real success, but the obvious future of Dunedin has been staring us in the face, and nobody has seen it.
We should make Dunedin the first and only city in the world that freezes itself in time.
We make no change to buildings, we keep the same appliances in our homes, we lock fashions in to what is big in 2018 and we keep everything just so.
In just a few years, the vehicles we use would be as attractive as the ’50s American cars are in Cuba.
In 20 years, our heritage buildings would still look amazing, and even our most modern buildings would have taken on a charmingly vintage hue.
Fifty years down the track the city would be an unmissable stop on any trip to New Zealand, and in 100 years a visit would be like a trip through the most remarkable and captivating time warp, just like stepping back from today to 1918.
Dunedin would be a much better place if it froze itself in time.