Rail Simulator
Windows XP or Vista
Review by Simon Kemp
Let me get this clear from the start.
I've never stood on a platform or a bridge with a notebook and a pair of binoculars waiting for the 3.37 to rattle into view.
I did have a train set when I was younger, but that's been in a box for years.
My only interest in trains now is whether they are on time and whether I can avoid the chewing gum on the seats.
So you can imagine how much I was looking forward to Electronic Arts' next evolution in railway simulation . . . but, as it says on the box, I could look forward to travelling on over 1900km of track on faithfully reproduced United Kingdom and continental routes, driving eight great trains of today and yesteryear.
Tremendous . . . I should also point out here that I am male and, therefore, do not read instruction manuals for anything, ever.
Which is probably why, after being in the cab of my train for about 10 minutes I was still stationary.
I could make the horn work. And the windscreen wipers. Just not the wheels.
So, against all my instincts, I dug out the book, had a quick flick through and had another go.
Turns out I hadn't raised the pantograph; what an idiot! An easy mistake anyone could have made.
After changing the controls to simple, I gave it another go and this time I did actually get moving, and I stopped.
Not in the right place, but I did stop, and then I went backwards, straight into the station.
The fact that the simple controls are speed up, slow down and switch between forward and reverse really helped - no pantographs to raise or dynamic brakes to decrease. Idiot proof.
Almost.
A quick look at the control shortcut guide gives you an idea of what life beyond simple holds.
It's a world of raising and lowering pick-ups, opening and closing fireboxes (and the fantastically named cylinder cocks), increasing injectors and blowers and using the sander (no idea; I never got to the woodwork section).
You can, it turns out, complete little missions - delivering people or freight around the country or you can just be a rebel and just drive round for the hell of it, the wind in your hair and the smell of diesel fumes in your cab.
You can even create your own worlds and track using the editor mode.
I'm sure, if you are interested in the whole train thing, you can get some satisfaction from getting from London to Norwich on time without crashing.
And I'm sure reliving the age of steam by racing through the countryside at 35kmh can be fun, but it's not for me.
Saying that, if you've lost your anorak and bad weather has stopped you from going and hanging around platform four, this may be exactly what you need!
