"Strangely enough, I think each [anniversary] has got harder," Mrs Elliott has told the Weekend Herald, apologising as her voice cracks.
"I think because, it’s a long time ago but it’s not. It just seems like yesterday in some respects because I just remember so much of it so vividly, and yet there’s so much that I haven’t remembered."
Asked to reflect on a decade since her daughter’s death, she starts at the beginning.
Back to Dunedin in June 1985, when Sophie was born: a happy addition for Gil and Lesley, who already had sons Nick and Chris.
Sophie Elliott was a "great little kid" who grew into an outgoing, popular woman who enjoyed sport, music and dancing. She loved economics and had an early start at university, though, devastatingly for her family, died before graduating.
"The day after Sophie died I went to my GP and said, ‘Give me what it takes to keep me standing up in the day and sleeping in the night, because I won’t survive this’," Mrs Elliott said.
But she did survive. Since then she has written two books with friend and fellow advocate former police officer Bill O’Brien, Sophie’s Legacy and Loves Me Not; launched the Sophie Elliott Foundation; established Loves Me Not, a violence-prevention programme now in 105 schools; been made a member of the New Zealand Order of Merit; and, alongside ex-husband Gil Elliott, spoken out in support of a law change, leading to the removal of the defence of provocation.
Weatherston, who turned 32 the day of the homicide, pleaded not guilty to Sophie’s murder and argued provocation, telling the jury that Sophie mistreated him, claiming she attacked him with scissors as she packed. The relationship had ended months beforehand and Sophie was bound for Wellington. Weatherston’s evidence was widely condemned.
He was represented by Judith Ablett-Kerr QC and the late Greg King but the jury rejected his arguments, finding him guilty of murder. Months later, then justice minister Simon Power outlawed the defence.
"He’s still alive and able to get out and she was given a life sentence," he says.
"Every year is hard and it will still be hard as time goes on. The thing with grief is that it doesn’t get any better. It changes, but it doesn’t get any better."
Mr Elliott is busy too. He gives regular talks about Sophie and joined the Sensible Sentencing Trust. Despite separating, the Elliotts remain good friends.
Now 71, Mrs Elliott has retired from nursing and dedicates herself fulltime to Loves Me Not, for which she frequently flies across the country — no easy task, because the Parkinson’s is slowly grabbing a hold and she has had major back surgery.
"Getting on and off planes was a bit of a feat for me. I have new respect for people who walk with walking sticks; it’s not easy."
She has kept quiet about the diagnosis, which she received six years ago, not even telling family initially. A disconnect between her brain and her hand saw her initially fear she might have a tumour.
"I knew what [Parkinson’s] was but I didn’t really know the details, so I came home and looked it up and thought, ‘Oh god that’s not great’," she said.
Aside from some lost strength, medication has controlled the effects and she is eager to destigmatise the disease. She does not want to detract from her work, however, or for people to feel sorry for her.
While she has come across research that provides a potential link between stress and the onset of Parkinson’s, she does not know if the stress she has faced since Sophie’s death was a factor.
And she refuses to get angry about the battles she is enduring.
"Anger is a funny thing, in a way. I don’t get angry very easily," she says.
"Gil is quite different. He gets very angry at what Weatherston has done to us as a family, to Sophie. We’ve missed out on having a daughter and a sister who was going to make it in the world.
"She could have been married with a family now, who knows? We’ve been denied that. I could be angry about that, but I don’t feel angry; I feel incredible sadness. My anger might come out really clearly when he gets out, if he ever does. That’s when I’ll be angry, because I don’t want him to ever get out. Ever."
Weatherston will be eligible for parole on January 9, 2026. His parents, Yuleen and Roger, declined to comment when contacted this week. Mrs Elliott has always acknowledged the Weatherstons have had it tough too.
"I feel terribly, terribly sorry for them because we’ve lost a daughter but they’ve lost a son as well. It must just be devastating," she said.
"He was very much loved, I’m sure, and it’s just absolutely shocking for them, I’m sure. The trial and everything was terrible; they had to sit there and watch him and watch the whole process, which was not very nice."
She barely thinks about Weatherston and could not even describe what he looked like if you asked her, she said. Instead, she focuses on her work; the difference she is making.
From the 95-year-old woman who came to hear her talk, to the sullen teenage boy who told his mum about Loves Me Not, to the eight women who wrote to say they left an abusive relationship where they believed they would die.
Sophie would have been 33 this year. Some reminders still cause pain.
Watching Sophie’s friends grow up. Walking past the city car park Sophie used. Seeing a group of students.
Others don’t. Mrs Elliott remains living at the Ravensbourne home where Sophie died, and only recently packed her belongings — admittedly because her son is staying and needed the space. She still calls it Sophie’s room.
"I’m very comfortable with being here; it doesn’t bother me at all. As far as I’m concerned, she’s here. I have a spiritual feeling that she is. Every time I hear the stairs creak I’m sure it’s her coming up and down the stairs. I know it sounds ridiculous but I’m comfortable with it."
Every January 9, Mrs Elliott likes to be at Sophie’s memorial tree at the University of Otago by 12.15pm. Sophie died at 12.25pm.
The tree is near the music halls and when students are playing outside on nice days, it’s serene. Last year she spent it at home and sobbed uncontrollably on Sophie’s bed.
"It was absolutely awful."
Her voice strains again. Ten years means little.
"You accept it, it’s not difficult to do that, but it’s unbelievable, you know?" she said.
"I frequently say to Gil, I still at times can’t believe that she’s actually gone and then, I can’t believe that she went the way she did. It just doesn’t compute sometimes, and I think, ‘how did this happen?’
"That’s what my father used to say to me: ‘Lesley, how did this happen to my granddaughter?’
"I said, ‘I don’t know, Dad.’ I don’t know why it happened and how it happened."
The family usually publishes memorial notices and invite all and sundry to their home but Gil wonders whether they should continue.
Mrs Elliott finds Christmas hard — it marks a downward slide towards January 9, but says Sophie would have wanted the family to move on. To mark the day in some way, but to move on.
"She wouldn’t want us to be moping around. She would say, ‘For goodness’ sake, get over it’," Mrs Elliott says.
"That would be her comment. She would, I know she would. She’d be mad, she’d be angry to start with, but then she would get over it by this time. She was much more positive. That’s the sort of person she was."
Timeline
June 2007: Sophie Elliott meets Clayton Weatherston at the University of Otago. She’s an economics student, he’s a research fellow.
December 2007: The relationship ends. Sophie holidays in Australia with her friend and sees her brothers. She returned looking "so relaxed", her mother, Lesley, says.
January 9, 2008: Weatherston skips a planned birthday lunch with his mother and goes to the Elliott’s home. Downstairs, Lesley hears Sophie screaming "Don’t". Pushing into her daughter’s bedroom, she sees Clayton stabbing Sophie. Realising her daughter is dead, she flees. Weatherston immediately admits the killing to police.
June 2009: Weatherston goes on trial at the High Court at Christchurch, arguing he is guilty only of manslaughter. He said she caused him "emotional pain".
June 2009: Weatherston is found guilty of murder. Afterwards, Sophie’s father, Gil Elliott, said provocation should no longer be a defence. Women’s Refuge joins calls for it to be scrapped.
September 2009: Weatherston is sentenced to life imprisonment, with a non-parole period of 18 years.
November 2009: The provocation defence is abolished in Parliament following a vote of 116 to five.
June 2011: Weatherston appeals his conviction, saying media reports undermined his defence. The Court of Appeal rejects the argument.
