The self-inflicted death of a Dunedin 12-year-old has sparked calls to remove the stigma around discussing suicide.
The girl, whom the Otago Daily Times has chosen not to name, died in 2019 and a coronial decision released this week concluded her death could not be ruled a suicide.
"Gemma* would have cognitively been aware that she might ‘die’, but it is unlikely that she had a comprehension of the finality of that," Coroner Ruth Thomas said.
"That is, she had an inability to comprehend life beyond the moment of the decision," the coroner said.
The coroner and advocates were united in their view the case reinforced the need for public education.
Life Matters Suicide Prevention Trust (a service for over-18s) acting manager Meg Vardy said the organisation offered "safe-talk training" to empower people to discuss the topic with friends and loved ones.
"I think with suicide, there’s also a historical stigma," she said.
"It’s kind of the old way of viewing it. And I think that’s had repercussions where people feel like they can’t talk about it. There’s a lot of shame surrounding suicide and suicidal thoughts."
The coronial inquiry noted Gemma’s issues began at the age of 9, when her parents complained to the school she was being bullied.
She was referred to Mirror Counselling, which concluded she was not at risk and determined her parents should receive couple’s therapy.
However, later in 2017, Gemma’s mother found a Christmas wish list which first mentioned suicide or to be "in a coma" until the end of the school year.
The girl’s situation seemed to improve with a move to intermediate school, where the principal noted she appeared popular and diligent.
Gemma, though, spoke to a counsellor about family issues which were causing her stress.
The following year, teachers described her as "awesome, gregarious and gutsy", but a friend’s parent noticed signs of self-harm and advised her father to arrange an appointment with mental health services.
Despite Gemma seeing her GP twice in the ensuing months, her psychological struggles were not raised, the coroner said.
The day before her death, the girl’s friends became aware she had been discussing suicide and had stopped eating because she wanted to "get thinner".
They planned to raise it with the teacher the following week, but Gemma was found dead by her mother at home the next day.
The coroner said she would have appeared to many to be a happy, outgoing girl "but some of her friends, and some adults, did know ... [she] was distressed and trying to find her way through challenging family and life events".
Public education regarding how to act when friends or family might be self-harming could reduce the chances of further deaths occurring in similar circumstances, she said.
Independent advocate Corinda Taylor, who endured a coronial inquiry over the self-inflicted death of her 20-year-old son Ross, concurred.
"If you think someone may be considering suicide, just ask them directly.
"Asking about suicide will not put the thought into their head. It could save their life," she said.
"You don’t need to have all the answers. Just being there, listening, showing that you care and helping them access good professional support can make all the difference."
(*Name changed for privacy reasons)
At a glance
Coroner’s recommendations (echoing advice of the Mental Health Foundation)
• If you have noticed scars, marks, or behaviours in someone that concern you, but you are not sure whether the person is self-harming, talk to them. Ask them if they would like to talk about what’s going on for them and be patient.
• If someone tells you they are self-harming or they want to hurt themselves, take them very seriously.
• Support them to access professional help, such as a doctor or counsellor. Go with them if possible and if they are OK with that.
Need help?
Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason.
In an emergency, call police 111.
Lifeline: 0800 543-354 or text HELP to 4357.
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828-865 / 0508 TAUTOKO. This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.
Depression Helpline: 0800 111-757 or text 4202.
Samaritans: 0800 726-666.
What’s Up: 0800 WHATSUP / 0800 9428-787. This is free counselling for 5 to 19-year-olds.
Rural Support Trust: 0800 787-254.
Youthline: 0800 376-633 or text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz
Asian Family Services: 0800 862-342 or text 832. Languages spoken: Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai, Japanese, Hindi and English.
Healthline: 0800 611-116
Rainbow Youth: (09) 376-4155
OUTLine: 0800 688-5463
