Health research shows 17% of the adult population have "over-active bladders", and as parents with children or those who have been "caught short" know - when you've gotta go, you've gotta go. Sam Stevens lifts the lid on the quality of public toilets in Dunedin.
The potential to get bogged down with poor cliches while lifting the lid on the quality of public toilets in Dunedin is enormous.
But lurking beneath all the superficial innuendo are some serious issues.
A far from exhaustive survey of several public toilets in Dunedin produced some interesting results.
Overall, toilets were mostly clean, tidy and graffiti free.
However, access for the disabled would be difficult at many "standard" (non-Exeloo) toilets around the city.
Also, parents of young children would have trouble finding adequate changing tables at both types of facility.
In the interests of establishing rigorous criteria for assessment, Dunedin's Municipal Lane toilets were chosen as the "gold standard" facility.
The toilets are monitored and cleaned by attendants.
Hundreds of tourists, school pupils and members of the public enjoy the muzak and sanitary atmosphere each day. On the flip side, these centrally located toilets are only open between 8.30am and 8.30pm on weekdays and Saturdays and 9am to 5pm on Sundays.
Visitor numbers to Municipal Lane toilets would rival other "high-use areas", such as the Exeloo on Great King St (near the New World supermarket).
The toilet is cleaned up to six times a day and, according to the council, is used up to 60,000 times annually.
Exeloos on Hillside Rd, near Pak'n Save, have similarly high use.
Toilets in the Dunedin Railway Station are only open when the station is open, although there are double Exeloos in the car park at the southern end of the station.
Although inner city toilets are mostly well maintained and accessible, the Dunedin City Council acknowledges there are "blind spot" areas.
Some Exeloos, such as the windswept and uninteresting Steamer Basin toilets, are not ageing gracefully. At the other end of the spectrum are the Roslyn toilets, which present something of a "heaven-and-hell" scenario.
Council reports the upstairs (women's toilet) of this converted 1950s council house is spacious and sunny.
Downstairs is the complete opposite - old, dodgy, dark and claustrophobic.
Water flows freely across the floor and graffiti is abundant and, um, "phallic".
While its isolated and poorly lit Victorian chic may appeal to some, the Roslyn toilets are not a place for children, the disabled, or anyone not wearing a sealed "haz-mat" suit.
In short, avoid downstairs like the plague it may well harbour.
The "control" toilet from our survey was the upper gardens facility, administered by the Dunedin Botanic Garden. These toilets are clean, with good indoor-outdoor flow.
They are well appointed and have paper towels and a changing table in the male toilets.
They blend in with their surroundings more than the Exeloos and might be worth a look for planners thinking of easy-care design features and naturally lit toilets.
A visit to a reserve toilet in Corstorphine, administered by Parks and Reserves, may highlight an issue at such facilities - both blocks were locked, with no signs to indicate opening hours.
