But why am I talking about Movember in January? Well, firstly because men’s mental health isn’t an issue confined to one month of the year. And secondly, a dear friend of mine is doing a very brave and impressive thing on February 9 — he will row for 12 hours straight (excluding bathroom breaks) to raise money for men’s suicide prevention. Luke Kingsford has challenged himself to row at least 100km on an indoor rowing machine and has pledged to livestream the whole thing on YouTube.
Another friend of mine completed a similar challenge a few years ago in aid of men’s mental health. I sat on a picnic blanket near Rob as he wheezed and sweated in the watery spring sunshine, and watched as he turned varying shades of pink, red, and white as the day progressed. It was a momentous effort.
As an aside, the image of Rob’s girlfriend rubbing vaseline into his nether ends (blisters on one’s buttocks is an unfortunate side effect of excessive rowing) has been burned indelibly into my retinas. I know that what Luke has before him will be exhausting — but rewarding.
So what has compelled Luke to subject himself to such a tortuous experience? His reasons are twofold: Luke wishes to increase awareness and challenge stigma around mental health issues, and he wants "to help create more funding to allow professional help to be more accessible to everyone."
New Zealand has a serious problem when it comes to suicide, particularly those of young men. We have one of the highest youth suicide rates in the OECD. Suicide rates for Maori tend to be higher than those for non-Maori, and higher for men than women. There are a million other depressing statistics I could quote.
I can of course speak to my own experience with male suicide. Unfortunately, a great number of Kiwis can. In fact, I would probably be hard-pressed to find someone in this country whose life has not been touched by the untimely death of someone they knew, loved, worked with, or saw about the town. "By doing these fundraisers", Luke says, "I have had people open up to me about their own experiences with loss. In return, I have started speaking more openly about my own experiences."
"I lost my best mate when I was 15 years old." says Luke.
"He had so much life in him. He passed away tragically in a car accident along with another friend of mine who was of similar nature. They were the kind of people that no-one ever had a bad word to say about — they made everyone feel loved.
"Following the deaths of these two friends through my teenage years and early 20s I attended too many funerals of friends my age who had lost their lives to suicide. I couldn’t help but sit through those funerals and also mourn the lives of my friends whose lives were not taken by choice.
"I decided to channel my energy into preventing the unnecessary loss of lives and for me that is preventing suicide."
I’m well aware that there’s no quick fix. There are a multiplicity of factors causing and exacerbating our country’s hideously high suicide rates — poverty, a lack of access to well-paying and fulfilling jobs, racism, subpar housing, homophobia, fractured communities, insufficient access to medical services, and the insidious legacy of colonialism. And I’m also aware that raising awareness isn’t enough. This is why I’m so impressed by Luke’s fundraiser — the money he raises goes directly towards the Movember Conversations programme, which actively helps to prepare men with a plan on how and when to reach out to friends struggling with their mental health.
Movember Conversations is a programme and online tool developed by mental health experts and funded by Movember. It helps those who want to feel more confident and informed when navigating important conversations with men in their lives who might be struggling.
"We all need to be taught the tools to overcome the hard times. I believe the ‘talk to a mate’ campaign is a great initiative for starting the conversation. However, I believe we need to go one step further and begin sending the message: ‘talk to a mate and seek professional help’."
Luke knows that early recognition and prevention is best: "I believe we need to stop thinking that you have to be at rock bottom to ask for help".
I can’t help but feel somewhat frustrated that it is often up to the individual to raise awareness and funds for something as urgent and important as suicide prevention. Our efforts can feel simultaneously worthwhile yet futile.
I’ve personally run a few fundraisers over the years — an art exhibition, two head shaves (I look like a budget-version Sinead O’Connor, I’ve discovered) and many stints standing with the collection bucket on a street corner.
Staring at my prickly kiwifruit head in the mirror after my friends have left, I’ve found myself wondering whether I actually achieved anything with my fundraiser — whether the paltry funds I raised would actually make a difference. But then I remember that it is the family ties, the bonds of friendship, the act of raising awareness, compassion, and a sense of solidarity on the community and personal level that can make all the difference for someone struggling. And even if a fundraiser such as mine or Luke’s can help one person feel as if they’re not alone — and even better, if it can aid their access to professional mental health support, it’ll be worth it.
I’ll leave Luke with the last word: "This fundraiser is in memory of those that I have lost who didn’t choose to die and those who thought it was their only choice."
If you are interested in donating to Luke’s fundraiser, you can reach his Movember website at https://movember.com/m/14768689?mc=1. You can also watch his livestream at 10.30am NZT, February 9 at www.youtube.com/@Borntobeluke.
- Jean Balchin, a former English student at the University of Otago, is studying at Oxford University after being awarded a Rhodes Scholarship.
