Jennifer Connolly, of Wanaka, muses on the joys and tribulations of working at a supermarket.
Offspring No 3 is spending her third consecutive summer working at a supermarket.
Strangely, she seems to quite enjoy the day spent stacking shelves with no-one telling her what to do or when to do it.
It makes a change from the complexities of learning about the human body, and how it works, for the rest of the year.
She especially likes weekends when the regular person with toilet paper responsibilities is off duty.
Toilet paper seems to be the thing most desired - its whereabouts anyway.
Not to be spotted until the very end of the very last aisle.
Not only is she frequently asked where it is, but often which is the best buy - i.e. bottom line value for money.
And why aren't the nappies more closely aligned with the loo paper?
And why have you only got white toilet paper and not printed paper and why haven't you got Christmas toilet paper anyway!
Offspring No 3 particularly enjoys the toilet rolls and crisp aisles - something about the fact that both sell out quickly and you get to break down the boxes, apparently an extremely satisfying task in a day's toil at the supermarket.
Then there's the eggs; a touchy subject as many customers insist on checking for defective eggs despite the fact that egg-checking is yet to happen at checkout.
A supermarket can lose a lot of eggs owing to butter-fingered customers.
Like the lady the other day who, while inspecting a tray of 30 perfectly formed eggs, managed to poke a hole in one all by herself .
Never mind, bakery can always do with a few more eggs, can't they?Then there's the meat. ''Could you please tell me about these two cuts?''
''Sorry, sir, I can get someone from butchery to help you.''
(They're the ones in gumboots and black suits.)
''No, really, it's no problem, sir ... I am vegetarian and from grocery so probably not the best person to help.''
Another contentious area is the bread - provided it's not all sold out in the first place, that is.
''Can you please tell me which one is the freshest and if I buy toast slice will it be as fresh as if I buy sandwich slice. Medium slice is the one I like best and I can't seem to find medium cut and dry. Could you possibly go `out back' and see if there's a lone loaf of medium slice lying around?''
There appears to have been a significant problem with the custard powder at a time when everyone was, naturally, making trifles.
It wasn't simply that there was no custard powder to be had.
For a time there was no A brand custard powder but only B brand - not a matter to be trifled with!
Surely, you in grocery could go ''out back'' and locate one small box of A brand custard powder from all that stock - isn't that what you are paid for!
And talking of trifles, do you think it would really be better to buy the sponge tomorrow, a day closer to Christmas, as it will surely be fresher than if I buy it today?
Really ... the sponge will be from the same batch tomorrow as today?
I really don't mind coming in again tomorrow if it means fresher sponge and better trifle on Christmas Day.
Then there's the coffee and the multitude of different brands and types to choose from.
Somehow, because you work at supermarket, people assume one must be a ''coffee connoisseur or a barista even''.
After all, you are in the coffee aisles for hours at a time; surely you must know what sells best!
No ... personal taste doesn't come into it.
The thing that upsets offspring No 3 more than anything else is the customers who hide their chosen, but now unwanted items, in random places.
Like tucking those five carefully chosen unripe kiwifruit in among the spaghetti shelves because they really are just too hard and aforementioned customer can't be bothered going back to produce to return then.
Worse still, if it's from bulk bins there's no going back as even the bakery will reject them!
Encountering small children leaping out at you without warning in the aisles is the other thing one needs to be very careful of.
Fortunately for them, they are usually heard before being seen, and not squashed from behind a fully stacked trolley.
Then there are the tourists who gather in tight groups mid-aisle to discuss, in their mother tongue, menus, meals and strange things Kiwis eat when one is trying one's best to refill a neglected compartment.
There was the nice foreign lady the other day who beckoned for assistance in the health and beauty aisle specifically to join her in musing over the tampon selection.
Did she really want to know what to do with them or was something missing in translation? But wait, it's just the label you are querying. Phew, such a simple explanation.
Then there are the most annoying customers - the non-believers, who open the cereal boxes to get a better idea of what's inside; muesli versus muesli!
All in a day's work in the aisles of a supermarket keeping customers happy - mostly.
