Hating the Germans isn't what it used to be
In the good old days, it was all too easy. As I read Commando comics (Achtung, Fritz!) and listened to stories about how the Germans had bombed my granny and shot at my dad, I was glad international football existed so all the hatred built up in the war years didn't go to waste. But since 9/11, the world's changed.
England's a joke
If you thought it was a long time between drinks for the All Blacks, imagine being an England fan. The natural team to support for most Kiwis, myself included, hasn't won anything since the 1966 World Cup. In fact, the English didn't win anything before that, either. So they're beyond a joke. They invented the game and yet they haven't got a clue how to play it.
The biggest moan about modern international football is the lack of goals. The fact teams such as, ahem, New Zealand may lack fine skills but have the fitness and organisation to hold out against the big teams - and make each World Cup duller than the last. But at the last World Cup, Germany blew that theory out of the water.
While eventual winner zzzzzz-Spain was accumulating a series of 1-0 wins, Germany, a young team of mixed race and heritage, abandoned its traditional caution and played thrilling counter-attacking football. The Germans started by thrashing the Aussies 4-0, hammered England 4-1 and humiliated Argentina 4-0 in the quarterfinals. They even had a very un-German lapse, when man of the tournament Thomas Muller was suspended for the semifinal loss to Spain.
It's all in the planning
Amid all their youth and flair, the 2010 Germans refused to abandon the type of meticulous planning which saw them through in the days when they were all big and nasty with blonde perms and played football which could be fairly said to lack a little joy. After they tore England apart, coach Joachim Loew revealed team management employed 55 students who dedicated 1000 hours to studying the England team and knew "exactly what they would do".
Noting England's weakness against long, direct passes, Germany changed its playing style and was quickly rewarded with a goal when Miroslav Klose scored direct from goalkeeper Manuel Neuer's clearance. The Germans then went one better and used mind-control techniques developed in a Stuttgart laboratory to have Frank Lampard's perfectly good goal disallowed.
Bastian Schweinsteiger
Is there a better name in all sport? If you get bored during the tournament, wander round the house shouting "Schweinnnnnnnn-steiiiggggerrr" at the top of your voice like you're a camp guard in Hogan's Heroes. I can't guarantee results but it definitely works for me.
