Sixteen years. Sixteen.
As a period of time, it is really neither here nor there. Longer than some marriages, shorter than some Meatloaf songs.
But tomorrow is 16 years since I embarked upon this noble quest
. . . since I started at the Otago Daily Times.
Sixteen years of (mainly) sport. Sixteen years of trying to scribble something readable. Sixteen years of appreciating that, yes, I could have a real job; and that, yes, sport is not quite as important as the situation in [insert name of latest trouble spot here].
It started with these words:''The voyage has been rocky but the ship is still afloat.''
Nice cliche there. The subject of that first story? The Otago Nuggets, of course.
Also in that first year, I got to write a story that started with these fateful words: ''Otago Boys' High School blindside flanker Richard McCaw has been awarded a scholarship to the Lincoln University rugby programme.''
Richard? A blindside? Doesn't lessen the pain.
Later came:''Chris Cairns smashed four sixes off consecutive balls as Otago was taught a harsh lesson in Super Max by Canterbury at Carisbrook last night.''
Read that out to a young cricket fan today and he or she will understand only the bit about the sixes.
. . . in my heart . . .
Anyway, here are 16 magic moments from 16 years in a job I still love:
1 My Rebels (1998) A great netball team charged to glory in the inaugural national league. And I was there.
2 Brett Lee (1999) He was the big story in world cricket at the time. Waiting three hours for an exclusive interview at Carisbrook was worth it.
3 Sydney (2000) Three glorious days to see how the city was preparing for the Olympics.
4 Oamaru daze (2001) A year at The Oamaru Mail. It wasn't all magic, but it was great fun.
5 Old Golds (2002) Third division champions! Finally!
6 Michael Phelps (2003) In Dunedin. And I have the photo to prove it.
7 Odessa (2004) Five glorious days in the heart of West Texas. I stood under the Friday Night Lights and it blew my mind.
8 Lions tour (2005) Five weeks of drama, and the greatest single performance by a first five-eighth in the history of rugby.
9 Harbour crushed (2006) Otago scored four tries in 10 minutes at Albany. Thrilling stuff.
10 France (2007) Why don't the rest of you have fond memories from that Rugby World Cup?
11 Crusaders crushed (2008) My last Highlanders game as rugby writer was a great win over the old enemy in Christchurch.
12 Valley victory (2009) The Citizens Shield came home when my club showed great ticker against Athletic.
13 Bobby Gates (2010) Charmed us all when he won the New Zealand Open at The Hills.
14 150 Greatest Moments in Otago Sport (2011) The series of which I am most proud.
15 Spirit saved (2012) The Otago women's rugby team was set to be a casualty of the ORFU's financial implosion. But a rescue effort, led in part by a unique man called Adam Thomson, saved the day.
16 Ranfurly Shield (2013) I wasn't there. But being in the office to watch Paul Grant hoist the Log was good enough.
. . . will glow
And 16 sports wishes for the future:
1 I wish Liverpool would win the Premier League.
2 I wish the Super rugby competition would contract, not expand. There really was nothing wrong with the Super 12.
3 I wish some sports would be more vigorous at contacting their local newspaper with news and tips.
4 I wish some sports did not get quite so offended when their local newspaper does not do exactly what they want.
5 I wish television commentators would earn their places on merit, not on their former playing ability.
6 I wish all sports would be more transparent. Tell us the names of the players you disciplined, tell us the real reason you are changing coaches, tell us the TRUTH.
7 I wish to see a fairer allocation of international events around the country.
8 I wish to see some sort of talent/travel equalisation systems in both the ASB Premiership and the National Basketball League.
9 I wish to see Mark Dickel get the championship he so richly deserves.
10 I wish some visiting teams would realise that, as vital as social media is these days, it wouldn't hurt to let the local paper interview somebody. Yes, Western Force and Brisbane Broncos, that is directed at you.
11 I wish rugby would ditch the stupid bonus point for a close loss.
12 I wish PR flacks would stop telling us their new event is going to be the biggest event EVER and just let it grow at a natural pace.
13 I wish the Otago Daily Times, like the other major newspapers in this country, had a vote for the Halberg Awards.
14 I wish sports betting got less attention.
15 I wish we weren't quite so obsessed with winning medals.
16 Did I mention I wish Liverpool would win the Premier League?
Others' misfortune
Imagine you're a sports fan. (What, you read this column only for its subtle wit and political insight?)Think about what percentage of your sports obsession is devoted to love, and what percentage is devoted to hate.
For some of you good folk, your ratio will be 100% love. You will see sport as a platform for pure joy. Your heart will be full of rapture at the efforts of your chosen team, and your mind will be focused only on wonderful achievements to come.
Others - Everton football fans, say - are closer to 100% hate. They are consumed with anger over their team's latest loss or, more likely, their hated rival's latest victory.
I would put himself at about 90% love. Most of my (personal) time following sport is devoted to my teams (Liverpool, North Otago, New York Knicks, Boston Red Sox, St Louis Rams, Penrith Panthers) and wallowing in their successes, not lamenting their failures.
But there needs to be SOME room for old-fashioned hatin', right? Like, say, when a mediocre Crusaders team is struggling at home against a poor South African team. It's all right to pray for a Crusaders loss. Isn't it?
Golf I
New Zealand Golf has the perfect selling point for its series of Junior Tiger qualifiers being held around the country.
The slogan for the competition could be: ''Look where it got Lydia''.
Barely five years ago, a pint-sized 12-year-old girl from Auckland's North Shore turned heads at the Junior Tiger national final with her effortless swing and perfect short game.
She won the 12-14 girls division and those on hand predicted a bright future. Some may even have foreseen the rise of Lydia Ko to No 4 in the world.
The Junior Tiger series is back and the Dunedin qualifier will be held at the Chisholm Park club tomorrow.
Young golfers are playing for the chance to represent their district at the national final (April 27), and to potentially travel to the United States to represent New Zealand in the world junior championship.
Golf II
There is a rather magnificent secondary school - I may have mentioned it once or twice over the years - holding a golf tournament next month to raise money for its rugby club.
The Waitaki Boys' High School event is on Friday, April 11, at the Lower Waitaki club. It tees off at noon, and entry is $200 for a four-person team.
Email Ryan Bambry (ryanb@waitakibhs.school.nz) if you are keen.
Birthday of the week
Takeru Kobayashi is 36 today.
No, The Last Word does not consider competitive eating a sport. But there really is something marvellous about the Japanese bloke with the elastic stomach.
His world records for speedy consumption include American hot dogs (110 in 10 minutes), grilled cheese sandwiches (13 in one minute), buffalo wings (337 in 30 minutes), hamburgers (93 in eight minutes) and tacos (106 in 10 minutes).
