• Putting on a show . . .
Watching the closing ceremony at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver on Monday got me thinking.
Canada rolled out its heaviest guns for a big show to farewell the Games, with seemingly every entertainer and musician to have come out of the Maple Leaf Nation getting a chance to perform.
Marty McFly and Denny Crane . . . sorry, Michael J. Fox and William Shatner . . . came out of holes in the ground, and everyone from the great Neil Young to Nickelback, Michael Buble, Avril Lavigne and Alanis Morissette got to sing.
That's when I started thinking.
With New Zealand set to host a certain major sporting event next year, who could we roll out to say to the world: "This is who we are."
Sir Edmund Hillary would obviously have been the go-to guy but he's sadly no longer with us.
With tongue only slightly in cheek, can I suggest we'd still have a roster to match anything the Canadians had.
• . . . when the world comes here
The 2011 Rugby World Cup opening ceremony must, of course, be compered by Dominic Bowden and Petra Bagust, with Jason Gunn popping up for cameos.
On Maori Television, Pio Terei and Judy Bailey will do the honours, with Keisha Castle-Hughes in the guest spot.
Our night will start with a dramatic highlights reel, showing on 10m-tall screens and edited by Sir Peter Jackson. This will set the scene for an entirely computer-generated 3-D mock rugby game developed by Richard Taylor and the special effects wizards at Weta.
A decades-spanning musical interlude will feature John Rowles, When The Cat's Away and Midnight Youth, followed by Sam Hunt - "Is this the view/from the 22/what a catch/what a match" - and Witi Ihimaera - "Rugby's a ball/pass it on/pass it on" - reciting their latest poems.
Anna Paquin (without the fangs), Russell Crowe (proud to be a Kiwi) and Cliff Curtis (as an actual New Zealander, not some sort of Middle Eastern thug) will present a short skit, and the Flight of the Conchords will sing the official 2011 Rugby World Cup folk ditty.
Trelise Cooper and Karen Walker will introduce a quick fashion show, displaying the latest in figure-hugging rugby gear, after which Jeremy "Newsboy" Wells and Dai Henwood will entertain the crowd with a few gags.
By this time it's 9pm, so the show can get a little more adult-oriented. The cast of Outrageous Fortune will have a chance to display their unique blend of humour and forthrightness, and Hone Harawira will have a chance to tell the "white mother . . ." in the crowd how rugby contributed to the ripping off of his people.
Then it's into the big finish.
The Finns, the Rungas and Dave Dobbyn join together for upbeat performances of Welcome Home, Won't Give In and The Be All And End All.
Corporal Willie Apiata takes the stage and simply stands there for a minute, staring and daring the All Blacks' opponents to ruin a nation's dream.
Three New Zealand sporting greats - Sir Richard Hadlee, Sir Peter Snell and Danyon Loader - come out to roaring ovations, leaving the three great living figures in New Zealand rugby to walk out, one by one.
Sean Fitzpatrick.
Jonah Lomu.
And the great Sir Colin "Pinetree" Meads.
Let the Cup begin.
• The Nuggets live again
All Otago sports fans should be hoop-la at the return of our struggling little team of battlers to the National Basketball League.
The Nuggets are back on the floor tonight in their first appearance since taking a year off to get their finances sorted.
Like others, I had serious doubts the Nugs would be able to make it back, especially in the current economic climate.
That they have is a credit to Basketball Otago, the people like Todd Marshall and Gavin Briggs and Andrew Parke who rallied around the stricken franchise, new sponsor OceanaGold, new coach Alf Arlidge and the young local players who stuck around despite the uncertain future.
Let's be realistic: this is a serially underachieving team with probably the thinnest roster in the league.
They won't win it, they won't make the semifinals and they may even suffer the indignity of losing to neighbour and newcomer Southland.
But getting back is a step in the right direction. If they stay smart and stay grounded, the Nuggets can safeguard their future.
• Hammer time, apparently
How exactly did Mark Hammett get the Hurricanes coaching job?
Apart from the fact Hammett hasn't even been the head coach of a provincial side, there were two men with compelling credentials within the franchise.
The New Zealand Rugby Union must have had little faith in Wellington coach Jamie Joseph or Hawkes Bay coach and Highlanders assistant Peter Russell.
It was very odd to hear Colin Cooper, standing down after seven seasons, talking about a "great franchise" when, in all that time, the Hurricanes did not develop someone considered a worthy successor.
• A little bit dodgy
New to the list of New Zealand sports teams with a naff nickname is . . . wait for it . . . the Black Keas.
That, apparently, is the tag bestowed on our national dodgeball team, which intends to compete at the world championships in Las Vegas in August.
The dodgeballers are holding trials across the country, including in Dunedin on April 17 (at the appropriate venue of the Gardies), after which a team of seven will be chosen.
• Waving goodbye
Eight promising Otago surf life-savers were affected by the tsunami scare last weekend.
The group - seven from the St Clair club and one from Brighton - were staying in bunk rooms at the Mt Maunganui Surf Club, preparing for Sunday's national under-14 championships.
At 6.30am, they were woken up and advised to climb to higher ground, with about 800 other competitors getting the same advice.
Nervous excitement turned to disappointment as the final day of the event was cancelled.
