It may work for Gordon Ramsay, who has perhaps become more famous for scaring his staff than for his cooking.
Yet managers who are temperamental, unpredictable and prone to angry outbursts create a culture of anxiety, fear and self-preservation.
They end up surrounded by people who tell them what they want to hear, rather than what they need to know.
Their people do not grow, because this would mean asking for help or admitting weak areas, which they would be too embarrassed and frightened to do.
Is it appropriate for a manager to admonish a staff member in a way that involves shouting, swearing, or aggressive gestures? I say no.
And yet, it is very common. I hear about incidents like this from clients and friends on a regular basis. When a manager speaks to a staff member in a way that is loud and aggressive or angry, it demonstrates a lack of emotional intelligence and/or a loss of self-control.
Furthermore, the staff member is left feeling resentful, humiliated or frightened. Often, they become angry too and the situation escalates.
There are two scenarios that would lead to this situation: either a staff member has made a significant mistake causing the organisation to lose money or reputation, or they have deliberately committed an act of sabotage, theft or bullying.
If the manager is in control of themselves and made a conscious decision to aggressively reprimand the staff member, I would ask: what was their thinking behind this? What did they hope to achieve?
It could be they wanted to show their greater power over the staff member. It would not be acceptable for the staff member to behave this way to the manager, but with the power imbalance in favour of the manager, they can do so with impunity.
These blatant displays of power damage the relationship between the two parties because it shows a lack of respect for the staff member and reveals that the manager is working to a personal agenda, rather than in the interests of the organisation.
Was their intention to make the staff member feel intense guilt, shame or regret? This is a questionable motive.
If the staff member has made a genuine mistake then they will already be feeling this way. If it is something that was done deliberately, a telling off from their manager is unlikely to make them grow a conscience.
Perhaps the manager intended to deter the staff member from repeating the transgression by making them afraid of future confrontations. In fact, this approach causes staff to fear failure, which stifles innovation, creativity and professional growth. It also causes disloyalty and a lack of engagement.
I cannot see a long-term positive outcome from a manager deliberately berating a staff-member. So lets consider the situation where a manager loses their temper, without thinking first.
If a costly mistake has been made, or a staff member has engaged in deliberately destructive behaviour, the manager could be feeling annoyed, let down, exposed, embarrassed and/or angry.
These are natural and understandable emotional responses to the situation. However, an appropriate response that maintains the manager’s credibility, limits the damage to the organisation and helps the staff member learn from the situation requires the manager to respond in an emotionally intelligent way.
Two key components of emotional intelligence are self-awareness and self-control. First, you need to be aware when you are experiencing strong emotions as they can lead to you respond inappropriately.
Once you are aware, you can then use breathing techniques, self-talk, distraction or delay to calm yourself to a point where you can choose a better response (perhaps you can have a confidential vent to your manager).
This takes effort and practice, and is made harder if you are experiencing chronic stress, as many managers are. When under chronic stress, the functioning of our frontal lobe is compromised, resulting in poor decision making and low self-control.
When needing to discuss a serious mistake or transgression with a staff member, you need to remain calm, while being honest about the impact of what has happened, and firm about potential consequences. Keep the following tips in mind:
1. Describe the impact of what has happened. Upon the team, you, the client/customer and the organisation. It is appropriate here to explain how you feel in a controlled way. For example, "I’m worried that because you didn’t use the Bcc function when you sent the bulk email, our customers may feel their privacy has been breached." Or "I’m really upset that you shared aspects of our confidential meeting with X". The intention here is not to make the staff member feel guilty or ashamed, but to make them more careful in future because they are aware of the impact their actions have had.
2. Explain the consequences they can expect. The consequences should be fitting for the situation and be guided by employment law and your organisation’s performance management policies. The staff member in question may need to help you with damage control, issue an apology to affected parties, take some leave, or receive a written warning. In an extreme situation, they may be facing dismissal.
3. Help them understand why the mistake or transgression occurred. Once you both understand the cause of the problem, you can decrease the chances of it happening again. Is it a technical skill they are lacking? Were they not clear on the instructions or expectations? Do they need to improve their communication or self-management skills? Can you build in some checklists or oversight measures? Even if the person is losing their job, you are helping them and others they will work with in future.
4. Be clear about the standard or outcome you expect in future. Psychologist and podcaster Brene Brown said that "clarity is kindness". Most people want to do a good job and maintain good relationships at work. Clarity of expectation and direction helps them to do this.
Following a considered approach like the steps described above takes more energy, effort and focus than letting loose with a barrage of abuse and indignation, Gordon Ramsay style, whenever you feel like it. Exercising self-awareness and self-control will preserve your credibility, maintain good working relationships and contribute to a culture of growth within your organisation.
Sarah Cross is director of Kakapo Consulting.
