They've been ignored, mocked and derided - but all they really want is some love. Otago Daily Times sports editor Hayden Meikle identifies 10 sports that deserve a chance.
Hold on, rugby fans, football fans and basketball fans. Sit down, cricket tragics. Take a breather, netball nuts.
You, too, softball and tennis and rugby league supporters. You won't like me saying this but sport is not confined to your beloved pastimes.
We live in an era far removed from the time when the choice was limited to rugby in the winter, cricket in the summer, a bit of netball for the ladies and maybe a little football for the boys who didn't enjoy getting their ears torn off.
Now the world is full of sport.
We've got TV channels that broadcast everything from ice hockey to cycling. There's motorsport happening everywhere. Even beach volleyball made it into the Olympics, for heaven's sake.
The purists are holding on to their test crickets and their FA Cups and their ANZ Championships and their State of Origins - and that's fine.
But there also has to be room for the rest.
Our generation wants variety, and plenty of it.
So what I did was sit down and think about 10 sports, old and new, that deserved a chance.
Here's my list:
A disclaimer: I am completely biased when it comes to this criminally underrated sport of kings.
My older brother, Justin, might have been mean as a snake to me when I was young but he also turned out to be a shearer of immense ability.
I grew up on a farm, so I saw my share of shearers over the years.
Most of them wore pained expressions, and seemed to force the electric blades down and around the sheep's body.
Some treated the poor beasts with barely disguised disdain.
Justin's arms moved with a smooth grace, clipping off fleeces with a brutally fast but delicate touch.
And he handled the sheep like a classy left-hand batsman handles a cricket bat.
Shearing's always going to seem a bit odd because it was an occupation that turned into a competitive sport.
But until you have attended a leading event, and seen the combination of sweat and style and speed that top shearers produce, don't judge it harshly.
On the web: www.shearingsports.co.nz
Yeah, yeah. We've all heard that joke about the sport that tests the crowd, not the competitors, for drugs.
But synchro is no joke.
You try balancing upside down in a swimming pool, maintaining poise and composure and symmetry and breath control while the water pours into your ears and your nose and your eyes.
You try doing ANY sport where the aim is to perform routines that match - as perfectly as possible - the routines your team-mate or team-mates are performing at that exact moment.
You try succeeding at a sport the Russians take seriously.
And you try telling Dunedin's golden girls of the pool, Nina and Lisa Daniels, that the sport to which they have devoted so much of their lives is a joke.
On the web: www.nzsynchro.co.nz
3. Golf
Hang on. The Masters is pretty big. Everyone's heard of Tiger Woods. And golf's just been admitted to the Olympics.
Golf deserves a chance? Yes. Yes it does.
People like me - millions of us - scoffed at golf for years, pointing to the stuffy demographic and the gentle pace and the bulging rulebook and John Daly, and deciding we'd much prefer a bit of footy or a nice afternoon at the cricket.
People like me didn't get it.
Then people like me actually bothered to go to a golf tournament.
They saw sportsmen acting courteously, performing extraordinary feats with skinny pieces of metal and showing the most mind-blowing levels of mental toughness.
And they never bagged golf again.
On the web: www.golf.com
4. Petanque
Played it once. Enjoyed it.
On the web: www.petanquenz.com
5. Wood chopping
Like shearing, this is something that was (still is?) an occupation and got turned into a sport.
Most people might have seen a little bit of wood chopping at the local A and P show or snippets on television.
But the sport is actually far more organised than you think.
There is a New Zealand Axemen Association that runs a comprehensive website full of history, rules and records.
There are referees, selectors, coaches and secretaries, and it looks like New Zealand teams have been competing in senior, junior and women's competitions.
New Zealand has two modern-day great axemen in Jason Wynyard and David Bolstad (son of the incomparable Sonny Bolstad), who have dominated the professional Stihl Timbersport series in the United States.
Between them, they have won every series since 1997.
And Wynyard is the current world champion.
Two years ago, New Zealand stalwart Cliff Hughes was made a member of the New Zealand Order of Merit for services to woodchopping.
The 72-year-old didn't muck around when asked what he thought of some of the newer competitions that offered slimmer logs: "It's a manly sport, and they should be cutting big-sized logs," Hughes said.
Exactly.
On the web: www.axemen.co.nz
6. Test cricket
Because sometimes, the first form of a game is the best.
Twenty/20 might be exciting, but nothing will ever compare to the ebb and flow that makes test cricket so compelling.
On the web: www.cricinfo.com
7. Baseball
I enjoy American football but I understand why New Zealand has stuck with rugby and, to a lesser extent, rugby league.
I love basketball but I accept it will always be a sport ranked in the second tier in this country, even though the argument can be made that the Tall Blacks' fourth placing at the 2002 world championships is the greatest result by a team in our history.
I, er, understand ice hockey but totally get that it will never be more than a minority sport, except in the Queenstown Lakes district.
Then there is baseball.
I grew up in a softball-mad family.
I covered the 2004 World Series and loved every minute.
But, for the life of me, I don't understand why we play softball and not baseball.
Softball is a fine sport but, next to baseball, it's sort of a poor cousin.
Baseball has Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig and Mickey Mantle and Jackie Robinson and Willie Mays.
It has the Red Sox, the Yankees, the Cardinals and the Indians.
And it has the World Series!Sure, it's also got gamblers and hustlers and hundreds of drug cheats.
But I think we missed the boat on baseball.
On the web: www.mlb.com
Poor old boxing. None of the great sports gets treated so badly.
The sweet science has been tarnished for too long by dodgy promoters, stodgy heavyweights and world sport's most ridiculous competitive structure.
Beneath all the rubbish and the unpleasant injuries, boxing is a "celebration of the lost religion of masculinity" (Joyce Carol Oates), "like a ballet except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other" (Jack Handy) and "a bunch of white guys watching two black guys beat each other up" (Muhammad Ali).
I like boxing.
So did Norman Mailer, Ernest Hemingway and Paul Gallico.
Why? Because it's fast and intense, and because it requires skill, strength, balance and mental toughness.
On the web: www.secondsout.com
9. Competitive eating
Glazed doughnuts: 49 in eight minutes.
Pickled jalapeno peppers: 247 in eight minutes.
Pizza: 47 slices in 10 minutes.
Chicken nuggets: 80 in five minutes.
Grilled cheese sandwiches: 47 in 10 minutes.
I feel sick already.
On the web: www.ifoce.com
More of a demonstration sport than a competitive sport but it's another case of "Don't knock it till you've tried it".
Well, you still shouldn't try it.
You'd be nuts.
Twice I have been to see the Crusty Demons at Carisbrook and twice I have sat for three hours with a glazed expression on my face.
Not because of the petrol fumes, you understand.
Because anyone who performs those insane tricks in midair deserves some respect.
On the web: www.crusty.com