It pays to reward your child for honesty, parenting columnist Ian Munro writes.
A friend's teenaged babysitter has recently been caught shoplifting. It appears that this shoplifting has been going on for some time.
My friend has two concerns. Her 7-year-old son idolises the babysitter, and it's possible some of the things he has given her son were shoplifted.
She will need to have a conversation with her babysitter's parents to resolve the latter but wants to ensure that her son doesn't follow down the same path.
At the moment she has no concerns that he's shoplifting because of his age and lack of freedom to do so, but wants to make certain that the teen's actions have not influenced him in some way.
The best course of action is always to be clear about the family's values in relation to the property of others, making sure again and again that youngsters understand that stealing is wrong and that taking anything belonging to anyone else is stealing.
Start by clearly establishing respect for others' belongings in the home: never borrow without asking permission.
Balance this with an expectation of appropriate sharing.
While a 7-year-old can understand that stealing is a crime, be aware when shopping with a youngster that shop displays are designed to tempt. Discourage unnecessary touching or handling items from the shelf. Perhaps have a "hands behind the back'' rule.
Check your children's schoolbags from time to time from an early age. It's hard to suddenly start doing it when they are teenagers.
Once youngsters reach 11 or 12, talk about trust and how, when you cheat others, you cheat yourself.
Ask them to imagine going through life with no-one being able to trust or believe them.
At this age they will be able to grasp the concept of a criminal record casting a shadow for life and that, in the long run, stealing is the most expensive way to acquire things.
Know who your youngsters are with and where they are.
Aimless wandering around the town or mall with others creates a situation ripe for shoplifting.
Let them know that going along with the crowd when they know something is wrong is a coward's way out.
It's also important to model honesty yourself: no false insurance claims, no bringing home office stationery for personal use. Let them see you hand back the extra wrong change you were given.
Encourage your teenagers to have a part-time job. It gives them some cash for spending and keeps them busy.
If they really want something, help them work out a budget or set up a loan with a strict repayment regime to make it possible.
And reward honesty. It's a big-deal thing.
- Ian Munro
