Angry birds
Have you ever had a seagull steal your food and been so infuriated you wanted to kill it? Well one Dunedin man actually did, and it landed him in court.
The man, aged in his 50s, reckoned one of the pesky birds hanging around his feet in the Octagon was trying to sneak a bite of his meal.
His extreme and outrageous reaction was to grab the gull and batter it against the concrete seat before pulling its head off.
The defendant then put the dead seagull in a rubbish bin (always be a tidy Kiwi).
His punishment was to donate $2000 to the Dunedin Wildlife Hospital.
The offending was so "gross" his lawyer took the highly unusual step to ask that his own name be suppressed as to not be associated with the gull killer.
Life lesson: Next time a beach bird nicks a chip and it drives you squawking mad, control yourself, don’t let it turn into a fowl situation.
For the boys
A man with a serious commitment to his mediocre rugby team helped them lose the final while wearing his home-detention anklet.
The rugby player was house-bound after racking up six drink-driving convictions, but asked his probation officer for a special exception.
After his request was turned down, the devoted team member got an approved absence for a run, but snuck on to the field to play.
Somehow, nobody really had an issue with it.
A team representative explained the man was desperate to compete as he "missed the boys".
"We don’t see the problem with this," the representative said.
"[He’s] thinking about making a petition ... for people [on a bracelet] to be able to play."
And the risk did not even reap any reward with the rule-breaker’s team losing the big game by three points.
Life lesson: A rugby sock does not do a great job of hiding an ankle bracket.
Name games
These days, names seem to be getting more and more unique — to put it politely.
One polarising social media influencer named her three children Malibu Barbie, Elvis and Aquaman.
But having a common name can get you into trouble.
One Dunedin drug dealer had the same name as another local with a promising career ahead of him.
To make matters more complicated, they were the same age and even looked similar.
The unusual legal fiasco went all the way to the High Court, where a judge suppressed the drug-dealer’s name to protect the squeaky-clean reputation of the other man.
Thankfully, Malibu Barbie and Aquaman will never have this issue.
Life lesson: Name your kid Malibu Barbie — why not?
Silly spraying spree
A man who left a trail of graffiti around Dunedin won’t win any prizes for originality.
He probably should’ve come up with something better than tagging his own name — it made tracking him down easy work for police.
His name was littered around the city — on the George St overbridge, a fence, a power box, a power pole, some concrete steps, a garage door and scaffolding equipment.
He was caught red-handed with three liquid-chalk markers.
But he could not help himself, and a few weeks later he was back at it, defacing the Dunedin Musicians Club building in Manse St.
His explanation was somewhat curious.
"The defendant stated he didn’t know what else to do with the spray paint," a police summary said.
He was ordered to pay $1000 to the council at $20 a week and do 80 hours’ community work.
Life lesson: Don’t deface property, but if you must, make it clever.
Worth a shot
A woman who made a desperate dash for freedom on the way to prison said her pre-jail break was "worth a shot".
Hard to argue.
The woman was in a police car on the way from Dunedin to Christchurch Women’s Prison.
During a stop at the petrol station, she saw an opportunity to make her not-so-great escape.
While her escorts were otherwise occupied, she climbed over the centre console, bolted out the passenger door and made it about 150m down the road.
An officer was alerted and a short chase ensued before the woman was captured and returned to the patrol vehicle.
She ended up spending four months behind bars before being released — this time she didn’t have to run.
Life lesson: If you’re going to try to outrun the law, you better be fast.
