Nicola Willis: I want to make it absolutely clear that there is no need to panic. We have 32 days worth of fuel in the country.
The price of petrol has gone up a little bit, but I have deputised employees to keep on top of the situation.
Christopher Luxon: Well, what I would say to being delegated to stay on top of the situation is that, you know, I will continue to maximise opportunities as they arise or even before they have arisen so that ordinary Kiwis can achieve cut-through.
TUESDAY
Nicola Willis: I want to make it absolutely clear that there is very little need to panic. We have 31 days worth of fuel in the country. The price of petrol continues to rise, but I have deputised employees to keep tabs on the situation.
Christopher Luxon: Look, as far as keeping tabs on the situation, I haven't got that information at hand, but I'm looking into the right pathways to access the data so that ordinary Kiwis can control the controllables.
WEDNESDAY
Nicola Willis: I want to make it absolutely clear in the light of Israel's attack on Iran’s giant South Pars gasfield that the need to panic is close at hand. We have 30 days worth of fuel in the country. The price of petrol is getting crazy, but I have sent employees out into the field to allay concerns.
Christopher Luxon: So here I am manning the pumps at a petrol station and my message to all the ordinary Kiwis who are queuing up to panic buy is that, you know, if you can just be patient, I only have one set of hands, it takes a while to get the nozzle working and I'm a bit wary, you know, to get petrol on my pants, and in case we've run out.
THURSDAY
Nicola Willis: I want to make it absolutely clear in the light of Iran's retaliatory strikes on Qatar’s Ras Laffan gas complex that panic is a worthwhile option. We have 29 days worth of fuel in the country. The price of petrol is close to crippling, and so is the cost of living. I have initiated a ministerial oversight committee to instruct Treasury and the IRD to prepare a package that will provide temporary relief for households. I stress temporary. In the meantime I have also despatched employees to go directly to their homes and knock on their doors.
Christopher Luxon: Hello. You look like an ordinary Kiwi family. Would you like some KFC?
FRIDAY
Nicola Willis: I want to make it absolutely clear that the time to panic is now. We have 28 days worth of fuel in the country. However, I stand by my government's decision to stop the electric car rebate scheme because how was I to know we were going to be the edge of Doomsday? I have instructed employees to prepare for the worst.
Christopher Luxon: So here I am digging an underground shelter, and I urge ordinary Kiwis to do the same, and stockpile baked beans, toilet paper, bottled water, batteries, powdered milk, bread, butter, potatoes and weapons.
