A new poll shows support for Christopher Luxon has plummeted beneath the crust of the Earth and is thought to be somewhere between the outer core and inner core.
The polling was conducted by Talbot Mills, which also produces internal polls for the Labour Party.
Asked to name who they would prefer to be Prime Minister, respondents favoured Chris Hipkins and noted that he has an impish grin but also a steely resolve. They said he would stand up to Trump, and not take any nonsense from Winston.
But support for National leader Christopher Luxon has reached a new low. Pollsters engaged the services of geologists to locate his exact subterranean whereabouts.
A search party drilled into the thickest part of the Earth’s crust, which lies under the Himalayan mountains. They called out, ‘‘Is there anyone there?’’.
But Luxon did not answer.
‘‘The earth’s crust is extremely thin, cold and brittle compared to what lies below it,’’ said pollsters.
‘‘It’s made of relatively light elements, especially silica, aluminium and oxygen. So it’s possible for someone to survive and nurse hopes that they might receive a lifeline to hold on as Prime Minister.
‘‘What lies below that, though, is better known as Hell.’’
The poll has a margin of error of +/- three million %.
Taxpayers’ Union-Curia
The latest Taxpayers’ Union-Curia poll has Christopher Luxon surging ahead as preferred Prime Minister, sending a strong message that ordinary New Zealanders regard Labour with a loathing normally reserved for germs and paedophiles.
The coalition bloc is still holding its lead. Under the results, the government bloc would receive carte blanche to fast-track anti-Māori legislation, mine natural resources, and pour boiling tar over the press gallery.
Respondents favoured pouring the tar from a great height but others preferred it thrown at close range.
Pollsters said it was too close to call which was the more popular option.
‘‘MPs could mix it up, improvise, sort of just see what feels right at the time,’’ they said.
‘‘The main thing is that the poll encourages them to do as they please to eradicate legacy media vermin.’’
The poll has a margin of error of +/- six million %.
Roy Morgan
Nothing has changed and no-one is going anywhere fast because what’s the point in changing, according to the latest Roy Morgan poll.
It shows the National-led government on 47.5%, unchanged, and effectively tied with the Labour-led opposition on 48%, unchanged.
Support for Labour was unchanged on 34%, support for the Greens was unchanged on 11%, and support for Te Pāti Māori was unchanged on 3%.
An unchanged majority of 56% of electors say New Zealand is ‘‘heading in the wrong direction’’.
The poll also shows 4.5% (unchanged) of electors support a minor party outside Parliament. This includes 4% (unchanged) who support Opportunity and a further 0.5% (unchanged) who support other minor parties such as the Aotearoa Legalise Cannabis Party.
Responders said they hadn’t changed their clothes for several years now, and nor had they changed their choice of toothpaste, detergent and instant coffee.
‘‘We represent New Zealanders who just can’t be bothered changing,’’ pollsters said.
‘‘Nothing good will come of change.’’
The poll has a margin of error of +/- 0.2 % (unchanged).
NZ Herald-Motu
The latest NZ Herald-Motu Research Poll of Polls has taken data from public polls and other private or less frequent polls and input them into an algorithm that runs 4000 simulations and transforms raw data into actionable models using linear regression, decision trees, neural networks, and k-means clustering to minimise the squared differences between predicted and actual values.
Its guess is as good as yours.
- Steve Braunias
