CHRISTOPHER LUXON
Kentucky Fried Chicken is not the whole answer. But it goes a long way towards my government’s sincere efforts to continue to maximise opportunities as they arise or even before they have arisen and find the right pathways for ordinary Kiwis to achieve cut-through. And so I come to Waitangi with the KFC 10-piece Bucket for $29.99.
It comes with a free bucket hat, which I will now model. There. Looking good! It’s important to hit the right tone at Waitangi and move among ordinary Kiwis in a way they will instantly recognise and appreciate, but in the spirit of unity I have a warning for those wanting a free hand-out of the 10-piece bucket. It will be on the basis of need, not family tree.
Please, put your whakapapa away. It’s no use to anyone at Waitangi. Ordinary Kiwis come first in the queue but they will have to be very choiceful about the things they want from the KFC bucket, because there are actually only nine pieces. I got peckish.
CHRIS HIPKINS
Kentucky Fried Chicken is not the answer. But I can’t rule it out. When any government moves too quickly and doesn’t bring people with them, you run the risk of the pendulum swinging back further in the other direction, on the next political cycle. I don’t want to see that continue, so I will accept one piece of chicken from the KFC bucket presented at Waitangi.
DAVID SEYMOUR
Kentucky Fried Chicken is our national dish. I commend the prime minister for bringing a bucket to Waitangi, because it confirms a key principle of the core philosophy of Act, which is that colonialism has delivered massive benefits to the native population, who now eat better than kings and queens. I’ll have three pieces, thanks.
CHLOE SWARBRICK
Kentucky Fried Chicken does not advance the need to address the most important issue in modern New Zealand life, which is honouring correct pronouns in the trans community. But the fight for social justice works up an appetite so I will take one piece from the Waitangi bucket. Kia ora.
WINSTON PETERS
Kentucky Fried Chicken is all very well but the prime minister should be ashamed of himself for bringing a 10-piece bucket to Waitangi. He could have shown leadership by ordering a KFC 18-piece Summer Crowd Pleaser bucket for $59.99, which also comes with two large chips, two large potato & gravy, and a 1.5L drink.
It’s what I would have done. You might want to think about that.
Be that as it may, here we all are, at Waitangi, to mark a special date in our nation’s calendar. It’s a time to think about where we’ve come from and where we’re going. It’s a time to think about equality and respect and opportunity.
And while you think about all that, I’ll have the remaining four pieces. Goodbye.
