Queenstown bureau chief Tracey Roxburgh documents the highs and lows as she takes part in the Queenstown Winter Festival Lindauer Ladies Fitness and Fashion Challenge.
December 30, 2009
Had to ask kind flatmate to please help me getting dressed.
Squeezed myself into jeans, then spotted nice jacket neglected for many moons.
Must wear it.
Get it on, but can't do up buttons.
Forced to lie on bed while kind flatmate buttons me up.
Struggling, she accomplishes what I couldn't.
Standing, I feel like I'm in a corset - not a good sign.
December 31, 2009
Sore stomach muscles.
Too scared to breathe deeply last night in case a button pinged off and blinded someone.
Tomorrow is new year, diet will start tomorrow.
February 1, 2009
Diet has not started.
Too busy being social.
Have not done any exercise (too hot).
I may not be good at many things, but totally excel at procrastination.
Friday, March 26
Diet starts April 6.
Am doing American Express Queenstown Winter Festival Lindauer Ladies Fitness and Fashion Challenge.
It's quite the mouthful (and takes long time and much concentration to type), therefore, hereafter shall be known as The Challenge.
Also have to go to gym.
Don't like gyms, primarily because most people at gyms don't need to be there.
Seeing skinny minnies and iron men parading about in attire I would not wear even in the privacy of my own abode does little for self-confidence.
Also question the need for ceiling-to-floor mirrors in gyms.
Avoid mirrors at the best of times (good reason for my one gammy eye. I close the other one while getting dressed ... did permanent damage to said eye one day when I forgot to squeeze it shut when trying to break world record for speed dressing. Saw things no-one should ever see, hence, permanent damage).
Thought of being surrounded by fit people who need neither gyms nor mirrors - not just one, but a mirror for every possible angle (including all those no-one, particularly me, wants to see) makes me feel sick.
Almost as sick as thinking of the 2160 hours of minimal carbohydrates, no lard and no fun-juice being yelled at by a personal trainer and living in constant physical pain.
But not quite as sick as the parading aspect of The Challenge makes me feel.
Monday, March 29
Have another encounter with the measuring tape.
Thought I had seen the last of that.
Wrong again.
Squeezed eyes shut and tried really hard to go to my happy place (FYI, happy place was somewhere far, far away where cocktails were in abundance and I looked like the girl from Chuck).
This was not as traumatic as I had envisaged - mind you, The Scales were nowhere to be seen.
Then had to do video interview.
Was asked why I wanted to do The Challenge.
Likened the past 20 years to The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
Am currently the caterpillar.
Told nice video man I wanted to be a beautiful butterfly.
He laughed at me.
Later received phone call from Richie Lambert of Funktional Fitness.
He wants to see me on Thursday.
He sounds like a very nice man ... but I will probably be saying bad words about him next week.
Thursday, April 1
Got very sad news this morning and was not in mood to meet fit, happy people.
Nevertheless, met fit, happy people.
Was right about Richie, he is a very nice man.
Told me I wouldn't like him in a couple of weeks ...
I believe him - probably will be partly to blame, told him I wanted him to "make me hurt". [Note to self: think before speaking.]Was shown around gym.
Cardio area blissfully mirror-free.
However, area covered with various instruments of torture also included rather large mirrors.
Made a wager with Richie Heap.
Put a fiver on me still not liking gyms by June.
Received another drink bottle - just as well, because the one I bought last year is covered in cobwebs.
Had lovely chat with Richie (Lambert) and thought I was about to escape with my dignity when he said the two words which sent shivers ricocheting down my spine ...
The Scales.
Needless to say experience was not good.
Not good at all.
Numbers were bad.
Really, really bad - starting with my height shrinking by almost 2cm.
First training session on Wednesday ... conundrum now is whether to eat my body weight in lard and have several Last Suppers before Wednesday, or try to be good.
Saturday, April 3
Houston, we have a problem.
Am sporting multicoloured swollen right ankle and a bruise on my left knee, the likes of which I have not seen since I was 5.
Had an encounter with the road.
The road won.
However, was fortunate to have two very experienced first aid medics on hand who looked after me very well.
Am RICE-ing like there's no tomorrow.
Sunday, April 4
Walking better.
Bruising is very pretty - well, right now legs are colours of a very morbid rainbow, but am sure will be less morbid colours in a day or three.
Today is the last day before Food Diary begins.
Am celebrating with roast lunch.
