Hi Kate. Gidday Wills.
Welcome to the South, the land of milk and honey.
We're a bit more Scottish than English down here - although our main street is named after your son - and some of us would rather be a republic and get your national symbol off our flag.
But welcome! Do enjoy your visit to our fancy stadium. And feel free to make a hefty donation to help cover its massive losses.
... be royals
We know Wills is a bit of a rugby fan, and that polo has long been the royal family's sport of choice.
What about some other royal types who dabbled in athletic pursuits?
1. Alexander Obolensky. The Russian prince scored two tries on debut for the English rugby team - against the All Blacks.
2. Zara Phillips. The Queen's granddaughter was world eventing champion, won the coveted BBC sports personality of the year award, and claimed silver at the London Olympics. Both her parents were Olympians on horses. Married to English rugby player Mike Tindall.
3. Prince Bira of Siam. A fascinating character who drove in Formula 1 and was a four-time Olympic sailor.
4. Count Hermann Alexandre de Pourtales. The Swiss sailor became the first royal Olympic champion in 1900. His wife, the Countess, was also on the boat.
5. Sheikh Ahmad bin Mohammad bin Hasher Al Maktoum, of Dubai. Won Olympic gold in shooting in 2004.
6. Albert II, Prince of Monaco. Competed in the bobsled at every Winter Olympics from Calgary 1988 to Salt Lake City 2002. His wife, Charlene, swam for South Africa at the Olympics.
Different strokes
Does the stark contrast in the treatment of Matthew Elliott and Jamie Joseph say more about the rugby v league divide, or the different approaches of the Warriors and the Highlanders?
Elliott got less than a season and a-half before he was given the boot.
Just 29 games, for 13 wins and 16 losses (44.8%). It's hardly an epic failure and you have to think he has been treated rather brutally.
Joseph, meanwhile, had a record (before last night) of 23 wins and 31 losses (43%) over three and-a-bit seasons.
It's hardly an epic success - and last season, when his team stacked with All Blacks finished 14th, most certainly WAS an epic failure - yet Joseph is being backed to the hilt by his organisation and, it seems, most of the fans.
I think coaches do need a good two or three seasons in these codes to show what they have got.
Elliott, for me, has been treated harshly by a Warriors organisation that might be dreaming big but has shown a remarkable ability to act small.
As for King Jamie, hmmm.
There is something to be said for stability - the most successful coaches (think Sir Alex Ferguson) are often the ones who have been shown the most faith and patience.
But this is a results business. Everybody knows that. If Joseph gets to the end of four years with the Highlanders with a winning mark hovering at 43% or worse, surely more will be questioning if he is still the right man for the job.
Fantasy sport
Recently, my colleague over at The Wash ran a poll asking which musical act his readers would like to see play at The Glasshouse.
(I was firmly in the Mumfords camp, incidentally.)
Let's do something similar.
Hey, sports fans. Imagine you could pick ANY sporting event to watch at our stadium. What would it be?
1.T20 cricket, Black Caps v anyone. The square boundaries will be about 20m, but so what? The only reason T20 exists is to see sixes being hit.
2. Major League Baseball. I recall a stadium document that included a photo of a baseball game. Where is our baseball game? Again, dimensions are an issue. But it would just mean a score of 56-50 or something.
3. Boxing, Joseph Parker v anyone. The Spar In Forsyth Barr. The Roundhouse In The Glasshouse. The Thriller In The Chiller.
4. A netball test. We were also promised netball in the stadium. It has been too long since the Silver Ferns played in Dunedin.
5. The Super 24 final. I figure the Highlanders will be due to host a final in about eight years. Against the Tokyo Thunder, the California Bears or the Buenos Aires Brigands.
The red wave
Excited. Nervous. Bewildered. Scared. Delighted. Edgy. Confused. Thrilled. Dazed. Stunned. Ecstatic. Shaken. Enthusiastic. Jumpy.
How am I feeling about Liverpool winning nine straight games and potentially soaring to a first title in 24 years?
Take your pick.
The blue despair
But, while you sit back and admire Liverpool's spectacular charge, take a moment to consider the feelings of the average Everton fan.
He/she supports a club having a quietly fantastic season that has included a first win at Old Trafford since 1992 and, just this week, a magnificent 3-0 win over Arsenal.
These are good times for the Toffees.
But all the poor blighters can think about when they drop off to sleep on their blue pillows is the prospect of Stevie G capping his career by hoisting the trophy.
And that gives them nightmares.
The good old days
The Last Word has been having a bit of a sort-up and clean-out of his piles of old magazines.
(Quick questions: Does anyone buy magazines any more? And do those under the age of 20 even know what a magazine is?)
There are thousands of copies of Rugby News, Rugby Monthly, Australian Inside Sport, Player, Slam, Shoot, Four Four Two, Inside Edge and Sports Illustrated to be sorted or stacked, or maybe even sold or scrapped.
After the slight embarrassment that results from the realisation so much money was wasted over so many years has subsided, one gets a real thrill out of flicking through old issues.
Sport - like all aspects of society, really - has undergone immense change in the last couple of decades. So, in the same publication as an advertisement that promotes a laptop for ''just'' $4599 (64Mb RAM and 4Gb hard drive!), one finds an earnest editorial suggesting eight months of rugby a year is ''saturation point''.
Otago is referred to as a member of New Zealand rugby's ''big three''. And an NPC crowd of 15,000 - unthinkable today - is described as ''so-so''.
Birthday of the week
Herbert Henry Messenger would have been 131 today.
''Dally'' was much more than a bloke who would lend his name to some rugby league awards.
He was a pioneer, an innovator, and an early version of Sonny Bill Williams.
Messenger might seem a ridgy-didge Australian but we can claim a share of him. He played for the All Golds - the touring team that helped establish the sport - and also a couple of tests for the Kiwis.
