I used to love messaging friends, especially after I moved back from Australia. But now none of us do it. We’ll use messages to arrange coffee dates, which are invariably cancelled.
Some people have sent me recorded messages — I can promise you I. Will. Not. Listen. I don’t know why, but recorded voice messages just feel so invasive and impersonal.
Every now and then I’ll phone a friend, we all feel weird about it, but we persevere and after 30 minutes I ask myself why I don’t do it more often?
I think we’ve got comms burnout. The notification and "unreads" across our applications herald anxiety, rather than welcome. For example, when that little red exclamation mark invades your email inbox your chest does a little flip, but not in a good way — this flip leaves downward pressure, rather than the type of flip which leaves excited floaty butterflies like when you first start dating.
Because it’s not a welcome notification, it’s the harbinger of a drama about to unfold ...
OK, perhaps the previous paragraph alludes more to my mental health than actual reality. But I know from my "research" this last couple of weeks, that many are in the same boat — emails invade our head-space and there is an expectation of immediacy. And if it’s got the little red exclamation mark — well, game on.
I’ve been actively trying to keep my emails to under 100 unread. That bold "unread" number has a direct correlation to my worry levels. And the more worried I am, the quicker it climbs — because there’s a sense of "overwhelm" once it’s over 500.
I was sick last Tuesday and decided to dedicate my day in bed to watching movies and clearing the 800+ unreads from my inbox. I categorised them: CC’d on conversations — anything more than two weeks should have sorted itself out by now and 90% of the time it’s completely unnecessary; spam — straight to delete; reading, reading, reading — so much reading. Industry magazines, political newsletters, newspapers, tender sites, research reports.
Who has time for all the reading? Personally, I do podcasts now, if I’m running, gardening, doing housework or driving — I absorb information via my headphones. If I have time to sit down and read, I’m not ashamed to admit it’s not going to be anything intelligent, it’ll be a good trashy crime, fantasy or funny romance.
Then there are government or institutional emails — more than ever before, it’s like every government department, training institute, working group, political party and research organisation is doing "industry engagement" at the moment. And they’re all asking the same things.
Reminders and updates — we use about eight different software packages, they all have their own email newsletters, important updates, webinars, training and white papers.
The above would account for 80% of it. The balance are real productive emails from real customers, team members and suppliers, inevitably I "flag" these ones to come back to them when I have time to write a decent response — which makes me remember that I’ve got one I have to do right now.
Back to it, just lost 70 minutes replying to a client and chasing up their supplier on email, checking the schedule in our ERP, firing some instructions off to the team in Slack and co-ordinating my son’s eighth birthday party this weekend on Messenger.
I’ve taken off my Apple Watch until I figure out how to remove all notifications — as it still vibrates when I get new messages. Why? What an absolutely awful idea — my arm vibrating at me all day, giving me a teeny tiny shot of cortisol each time and distracting me mid-conversation. It’s the height of rudeness to look at your phone mid-discussion, yet I’ve noticed so many people don’t think twice about looking at their watch.
You get the idea, I feel like I’m under siege from my devices.
Well, I used to feel like that. Then I created some healthier habits, most importantly my mindset. Messages are not urgent, they’re also not my monkey — they’re the senders.
Use the delay delivery feature, so you’re not invading people’s personal time if you’re catching up in the weekends or evening.
Does it need to be an email? Don’t just flick away a lazy email at the last minute to ask a question and now that it’s on my list it’s "job-done" for you, delegated. We’ve all done it, sent away an email and used a non-reply as an excuse — but deep down we know our dirty secret, it was ours to hold and we dumped it.
Can it be sorted in one quick conversation? Pick up the phone or have a quick meeting to tick off a bunch of stuff. Do not send voice memos for this instead. They are the devil. Make the priority clear — if you email and it’s urgent, escalate it by following up with a call or a text.
Don’t brain dump in an email, make it easy. Provide a solution for a simple yes/no answer, you’ll get a much quicker and more definitive response. No more threads back and forth. I dare you to not reply immediately.
Let’s collectively lower the expectation of immediate reactiveness. The world won’t end. We might win back some time, and the stuff that’s actually urgent will float to the top and magically get done Asap.
- Sarah Ramsay is chief executive of United Machinists.
