Saturday, May 29
10am: Preparing to ascend Sawpit Gully.
Open curtains.
Big flakes of snow falling.
Friend sends text message to say she is on way, despite snow.
11am: On the way to start of track.
Snow still falling. Friend and I decide we have not gone crazy.
We are adventurers.
12.05pm: Grunting uphill in lots of snow.
Is very pretty, however, am mostly looking down, trying not to fall.
Wet shoe component not helping.
When water hits snow it turns into ice. Ice is slippery.
Am not good with slippery.
12.20pm: At top of Sawpit.
Take photo of Sawpit sign as proof.
12.22pm: Begin downhill trek.
Is much harder.
12.30pm: Friend has waited eight minutes for me to take baby steps down wee hill, and decides I should have walking stick like shepherd.
12.40pm: Bottom of trouser legs are wet and have stretched to cover entire foot.
Am now actually walking on them. Pulling trousers up at waist does not help.
Pull them up at knee and hold them, using hand not required to move stick.
Have taken on pigeon-toed, knock-kneed walking style.
Friend remarks I look like I have had an "accident".
1.05pm: Sawpit complete.
Cannot believe dedication shown in the last two hours.
Have well and truly earned treat.
7pm: Am going to have a meal which includes hot chips.
Cannot remember the last time I had hot chips. Believe it may have been about three months ago. 7.20pm: Hot chips = AMAZING!Sunday, May 30 4pm: Tackling Tobin's with friends. 4.10pm: Sister calls, so talk to her while walking. Sister cannot understand much of what I say due to huffing and puffing.
4.29pm: Top of Tobin's. Record.
To celebrate bust out 30 push ups on park bench ... have I lost marbles?
5pm: Group consensus to have glass of wine at pub to celebrate conquering Tobin's and Sawpit (and voluntary press ups).
Monday, May 31
9am: Receive final plan of attack from Richie Lambert ... is blank.
Also blank is "sub goal" section. Excitement quashed when I read on.
Richie tells me the things I have to complete in the next four weeks, but is up to me when I do them. Have to do four 3km time trials on treadmill. Treadmill and my shins are not friends.
To my delight, no mention of Sexy Back. However, now have to do something called "Babelicious".
Suspect I'm going to dislike it more than Sexy Back.
Decide sub goal is to still be vertical on June 28.
Tuesday, June 1
5.05am: Alarm goes off. Hit snooze for "five more minutes".
Am tired due to bad dream about catwalk (which, by the way, is becoming frequent occurrence).
5.45am: Wake up.
Realise five more minutes was 40 minutes ago.
Am moving at speed of light to get to RPM.
6.10am: At RPM and not even on bike yet but am already out of breath. 6.25am: Instructor Grant is mean.
Am pushing ridiculously high gear. Wonder how other people can be on hard gears and still make their legs go fast, while I look like I'm out for a leisurely Sunday ride. Face is raining though, which it would not be, were I on aforementioned ride.
4.07pm: Friend emails, taunting me with icy cold beer he will consume tonight.
So I guilt trip him. Tell him while he's drinking beer I will be lifting weights and making idiot of myself sweating it out at Zumba. Say he should feel guilty - while he's drinking beer on Tuesday I am turning in to fit person.
Believe I have successfully taken all enjoyment out of beer.
Have fabulous feeling of piousness.
6.50pm: Pump done, and is time for Zumba.
7pm: May have turned the Zumba corner.
May now like it.
Instructor makes us attempt some dance moves most often seen in movies during the "dance off" sequences.
7.20pm: Instructor make us dance like chickens. Have never seen that in dance off sequences.
For good reason.
Wednesday, June 2
9.10am: See Babelicious programme. Instantaneously dislike it.
Involves 1.5km on the treadmill.
On incline of 15. This is steep.
Have to hold on to bars the whole time for fear I will go flying backwards.
Good news is no weights involved in Babelicious.
Bad news is am using body weight.
Wish I weighed 10kg.
Have to do a total of 300 repetitions of various exercises.
Some things revolting.
For example, "Burpees".
To start with, is stupid name. Burpees NOT designed for ladies.
Most unflattering - particularly when top goes flying up, exposing problem areas to all and sundry.
Also learn "Dead Bug".
Thought this meant a wee rest. Wrong.
Involves holding on to Swiss ball and moving arms and legs.
Is most ridiculous impression of dead bug have ever seen.
Decide "Dying Bug" or "Killing Tracey" would be more appropriate names.
9.50am: Think Sexy Back was walk in park, compared to Babelicious.
Thursday, June 3
6.15am: RPM with Richie Heap.
Am terrified.
Have heard bad things about how hard Richie's RPM's are.
6.30am: Bad things true.
Legs hurt, face raining, gasping for air.
Am not even half-way through yet.
6.40am: Richie keeps asking "how are your dials?".
Actually, dial is fine.
Is inanimate object. Body, however, not fine.
On upside, there is good music. Down side is irrepressible urge to go to pub.
7am: Getting dressed. Realise (with MUCH glee) trousers which were high-waisters are now almost hipsters.
Happy day!
Friday, June 4
6.10am: Richie tells me today we will be boxing and kicking.
He is clearly nervous.
Kicking leaves him quite ... ahem ... vulnerable.
6.20am: Begin kicking Richie.
Tells me to start off slowly (think this is to see if my aim is accurate enough to kick pads at his waist, therefore avoiding inflicting pain on vulnerable area). Aim is OK.
6.24am: Almost kick Richie in face.
Aim maybe not so good after all.
6.25am: Hip flexor cramping.
Is not fun.
Switch back to boxing.
6.26am: Near miss.
Almost clock Richie in face.
6.28am: Near miss.
Richie forgets I am punching him twice and drops his guard. Lucky for him I am nice person and resist urge to smack him.
6.30am: Richie tells me to lie face down on floor and says when I get up I will "sprint".
I ask "sprint where?".
Am told "on the spot".
Look like ninny ... again.
7am: Torture over.
Today is 60th day of challenge.
Only 24 days left.
Six more sessions with Richie.
Heart palpitations return.
Would like stiff drink to help calm nerves, but my Mum says is not appropriate to drink before breakfast.
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