The best ...
Look, kids, I said. Hatred is awful. Hate leads to suffering, I said in my best Yoda voice.
But then I whispered: ''Unless it's the Australian cricket team''.
(I could have added ''or the Crusaders or South Canterbury or Manchester United or the New York Yankees'' but we can deal with those evils separately.)
So, we now have another strong contender for the top 10 list of sporting villains whose anti-New Zealandness will live in infamy.
Your suggestions for names to be added to the following list - which, er, does seem to contain a lot of Australians - are welcome
.... of the villains
Wayne Barnes: ''What do you mean the pass was forward?''
Dennis Conner: ''You're a loser. Get lost. Get off the stage.''
Nadzeya Ostapchuk: ''Pah. Dat Valerie must also be on da special sauce.''
Greg Chappell: ''Hey Treeev, bowwl it underarm maaaate.''
Trevor Chappell: ''Sure, Greg. Whatever you say, Greg.''
NRL judiciary: ''An Anzac test is coming up. Let's get one of those Koywoys suspended for a ludicrous amount of time.''
Jimmy Spithill: ''Gidday Dean.''
Quade Cooper: ''It was just one knee to Richie's head, I swear.''
Vicki Wilson: ''Watch as I score a million goals in the 1990s to beat the Silver Ferns time after time after time.''
Brad Haddin: ''You blokes are just too damn nice. That's not the way we play.''
To the max
The New Zealand Cricket Museum (@NZCricketMuseum) had an interesting little snippet on Twitter the other day.
Apparently, Daniel Vettori's retirement leaves Brendon McCullum and Shivnarine Chanderpaul as the only players left in the game who played international Cricket Max.
Bring back Cricket Max.
My tier system
There wasn't much feedback on my system for ranking the greatest New Zealand sports teams (last week's column), so I must have got it exactly right.
Long-serving Otago Daily Times correspondent Dennis Radford suggested another contender for one of the top three tiers.
I admit I knew very little about the 1982 New Zealand tennis team. It made it all the way to the Davis Cup semifinals after beating the Italians, on the Italian clay, in the quarterfinals.
From the vault
Keep an eye on the sports section of the ODT website for an occasional feature looking back on our archives.
''Back In The Day'' started last week with one of our first big chats with a young cricketer called Brendon McCullum.
The god Zlatan
Genius Swedish footballer Zlatan Ibrahimovic is the latest to get the Chuck Norris/Richie McCaw treatment on Twitter.
You know the sort of thing: When Richie McCaw jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet - the pool gets Richie McCawed.
Ibrahimovic, an intoxicating blend of talent and attitude, has inspired a few that are too good not to repeat:1. When Zlatan goes through airport security, he makes the guards take their shoes off.2. Zlatan once spent half an hour on the exercise bike at the gym and ended up winning the Tour de France.3. Zlatan's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Zlatan.4. Zlatan has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.5. The only time Zlatan was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Impressive numbers
New Zealand rugby fans tend to get a bit snobbish when the topic of the French league arises.
Many assume it's just a cesspit of mercenaries and journeymen, and that it's probably watched by only a handful of fans in a football-mad country.
Yeah, nah. A recent game between Toulon and Marseille took place in front of a record 64,000 spectators at the latter's wonderful Stade Velodrome (I've been there!).
Then it must be English rugby that is a cesspit of mercenaries and journeymen, and is watched by only a handful of fans in a football-mad country.
Nope. There was a WORLD record domestic crowd of 84,068 for the Premiership game between Saracens and Harlequins at Wembley last weekend.
Seriously, if England ever manages to harness its superior population and rugby resources, we are sunk.
The first quote
''It's unbelievable. They made us look like idiots.''
- A fan sums up the feeling after the Romanian football team played a Euro 2016 qualifier on a severely waterlogged pitch. Reuters reported footage of the groundsmen desperately sponging the surface and squeezing minimal amounts of water into buckets ahead of the game led to organisers being labelled a ''laughing stock''.
The second quote
''I don't want to be perceived as a money-grabbing 20-year-old. I just want to be seen as a kid who loves to play football and to do the best for the team.''
- Then hurry up and sign a new contract for Liverpool, Raheem Sterling.
Triumph
Gibraltar got smashed 6-1 by Scotland in a Euro 2016 qualifier on Monday, but the tiny nation had its moment of glory.
Lee Casciaro, an officer with the Royal Gibraltar Police, scored Gibraltar's first goal in a qualifying tie.
What's even better is that the Gibraltar manager is a Scot, Davie Wilson. His nickname? The Jock of Gibraltar.
Disaster
It already seemed pointless to pour millions of our money into another tilt at the America's Cup.
Now that Auckland has been ditched from the qualifying regatta?No-brainer. Shut it all down.
