Dr Who taught me much

Doctor Who has had an essential part to play in teaching the world about the wonders of space.

I have known, for instance, since I was very young, that all alien planets look very, very similar to old quarries.

Land on one and, despite no evidence of habitation, there will, without doubt, be some wild-eyed aliens running round, and, remarkably, they will speak English.

I am quite happy to accept all that, but inevitably, with knowledge, comes questions.

As most educated people will know, Doctor Who is the last of a race of Time Lords who have been wiped out - all except the Doctor - by a race of rubbish bins with colanders for heads whose language includes the word "ex-ter-min-ate".

To digress for a moment, an interesting fact from the field of alien semantics is that in the Dalek language, "ex-ter-min-ate" can be used as a greeting; as "hello", "goodbye", "thank you", or to indicate you intend to melt someone with a death ray.

Thank you.

But my question is this.

If Doctor Who, as the last, lonely Time Lord, can transcend time and space in his Tardis, why can't all other Time Lords do the same?

Why can't they all meet up in some prearranged time, before they were exterminated, and have some sort of party with cakes and fizz?

A little like God, Doctor Who must be taken on faith, and not be understood by mere humans.

Anyway, to get to the point, Doctor Who: The End of Time begins on Prime on February 7.

This is the last show with David Tennant as the 10th doctor, and, hold me down because I'm frothing slightly at the mouth, sees his character regenerating into the 11th incarnation, played by Matt Smith.

But hold up there, cowboy.

Another television god, probably as old, possibly from outer space, and who can most definitely transcend time and space, is also popping into Prime in February.

At 7.30pm on the first day of the month, those of you with a hankering for high culture can take in David Hasselhoff 's journey to the United Kingdom, as he gets away from the madness of Hollywood to enjoy some quality family time with his two teenage daughters.

Things people maybe don't know about Mr Hasselhoff include that he is the most watched star on TV (no, I have no idea how they came to that conclusion), he's fond of New Age guff, and he was rumoured to have been offered £300,000 ($NZ663,809) to play Captain Hook in a Peter Pan pantomime.

Most importantly, he claims Princess Diana flirted with him in 1993.

Watch Meet the Hasselhoffs just for that fact.


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