Your show deals with your struggles with suicide and depression. Why did you decide to develop a show around these issues?
In 2009 I had a very public mental breakdown due to undiagnosed depression, which was unresolved trauma, and provoked the police to shoot me dead. Luckily the bullet didn't kill me. Since that fateful day, I have been through multiple surgeries and therapies and over the years, I slowly created Shot Bro: Confessions of a Depressed Bullet.
It's a tool for healing and educating families about mental health and suicide prevention. Shot Bro has also been a very cathartic and educational journey for myself as well.
Dark humour is part of your show. Why do you think humour is important as a coping mechanism?
Anything heavy in life can weigh us down and make us not want to face or carry that weight. So, human beings draw upon humour as a beam of light to chuckle, laugh and contemplate heavy subject material from a different perspective. Also in Maori culture, we use whaikorero as a way to weave stories of life together, addressing the dark and light in the same breath. In its essence, dark humour is making the heaviness more bearable, with the truth still intact.
What do you hope audiences will take from the show?
I will tell you what I know they will get from experiencing Shot Bro. They will laugh, cry, laugh and realise that they are not alone in the world in regards to mental health issues. They will realise that someone truly understands the depth of depression and the heights of aroha and healing.
They realise they are allowed as much help as they need to deal with mental wellbeing. The biggest thing communities around the country tell me is: 'You made us feel safe and gave us permission to speak up and be heard'.
What benefits do you get from performing Shot Bro?
I get to express myself using my Maori and theatre super powers to show people that we don't have to be silent about this, because the silence is killing us. After years of being in denial and then being looked at as a freak after being shot, I get the satisfaction of knowing that I wasn't crazy after all. I was in need of help due to undiagnosed depression and unresolved trauma. People have told me I saved their life, which is ultimately why I am on this journey. As I share, I learn.
What feedback do you get from the show?
- Thank you for showing people what's inside of us.
- Thank you for helping me better understand what my husband, wife, sister, aunty, friend, colleague is going through.
- I wish I could have seen this six months ago before my son, daughter, brother took his/her life.
- You made me realise I am not alone and I can get help.
- You made us realise we all deserve love and we need it.
- I felt bad about laughing at the dark humour so loudly, but it also made me cry in some parts.
What message do you have for people suffering from depression?
You have permission to speak up about your mental health. We are not alone and you are truly loved. You really do deserve as much help, love and care as you need. Crying is better than dying. You, Me, We, Us.
What more should New Zealanders be doing to deal with the issues you raise in your show?
We are now past suicide awareness, we should all be focusing on suicide prevention. Be brave and ask for help, because you deserve that help. For friends, families and work mates, be brave enough to ask a person if they are truly okay. You don't have to solve their problems, they just need to be acknowledged and not judged. Be brave enough to hold that space. If you are truly worried about a suicidal person, call a person [or people] who has more skills than yourself.
