Our identity and sense of self-worth have a significant impact on how we see ourselves, how we interact with others and ultimately what we believe we are capable of. But where do we get our identity from?
I am involved in sport and am therefore fascinated by the stories of sporting greats. I enjoy learning about the challenges they have overcome and the attributes that have allowed them to succeed.
In relation to identity and self-worth, I have heard a couple of world-famous athletes speak about their battles with a poor sense of self-worth and lack of identity, despite their impressive careers.
Rugby legend Jonny Wilkinson was key to England winning the 2003 Rugby World Cup. He was IRB’s international player of the year that year, known not only for his skilful strategic play and consistently great kicking as a No 10, but also for powerful runs and tackles. He debuted for England at just 18 years old and was hugely successful at all levels of rugby.
Since retirement he has spoken about the deeply negative space he was in for most of his playing career and the toll this took on his mental health. He said that he lived with an impending sense of doom, feeling that whatever he did it was never good enough and that unless he was perfect, he was failing.
He said even with his greatest successes, the complete elation of the moment lasted only a few seconds or minutes before thoughts of how he could have done better would start creeping in. The mental and emotional space he speaks of, describes fear, self-doubt and insecurity, despite being seen as one of the greatest rugby players in the world.
Swimmer Michael Phelps is one of the world’s greatest athletes. He has competed in five Olympic Games, won 28 Olympic medals, 23 of them gold and won 26 world championship golds. His achievements are, quite frankly, hard to fathom.
Yet in the midst of his successes, he wrestled with despair and a deep sense of worthlessness that caused him to consider taking his own life. Despite his achievements, he felt he had no value.
Considering this is one of the most successful sportspeople that ever lived, it would appear that achievements on their own cannot give us a strong sense of self-worth. If they did, Phelps’ self-esteem and sense of purpose would have been rock solid. Instead he felt hopeless.
What turned Phelps around from this place of despair was not reliving his successes or dwelling on all he had achieved, it was a book which a Christian friend and fellow athlete gave him called A Purpose Driven Life by Christian pastor Rick Warren.
Phelps found hope and healing in that book as he read that there was someone infinitely more powerful than him, who had created him with a purpose and loved him. This book was filled with Bible verses, including the one in Colossians which says: "Everything got started in Him [God] and finds its purpose in Him" (Colossians 1:16).
It is deeply healing to discover that there is someone in control and that it’s not all on us. What’s more, that someone not only has a purpose and plan for us, but loves us.
To know that however our lives are turning out, there is a God who loves us and wants good things for us, gives us a sense of worth that is independent of our circumstances.
There are verses throughout the bible that speak of how deeply God desires to give us good things, including self-worth.
Jesus said: "How much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!" (Matthew 7:11) and "I have come that they may have life and have it to the full" (John 10:10).
In the Old Testament the Lord says: "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).
It is clear that God wants us to know joy and to live a life filled with hope and purpose.
No matter how successful we are in life, achievements can never give us the deep sense of self-worth, value and security that as humans we crave.
I believe that to discover that the One who created us loves us, is a strong foundation from which to build a life.
■ Sarah Auld is a sports chaplain and the Otago-Southland regional leader for Sports Chaplaincy New Zealand.
