What does enjoying it all actually mean in reality?

Life is like an ice cream — enjoy it before it melts.

I saw this meme while mindlessly scrolling through Facebook the other day, and it set my imagination off. But what does enjoy it actually mean?

Is it morbid to admit that I often think, is this something I’ll regret or relish on my deathbed? Maybe it’s the perimenopause diagnosis talking, suddenly my ice cream feels like it’s melting faster than I’d like.

Some people, including me occasionally, think "enjoying it" means partying till the sun comes up, but is that actually using your life, or wasting it?

Or does that depend entirely on whether you’re 21 with no responsibilities, or 44 with a child, a mortgage, a business and an entire list of adulting you "should" do the next day?

To quote my shrink, yet again, "should is s..."

In my 20s I never felt like I should do anything. So where does that come from? Social conditioning? Experience? Exhaustion?

What I do know is that when I interpret Yolo, you only live once, as sure, I’ll have that Jager bomb and keep dancing, I regret it fully the next day. And, let’s be honest, for the next three days after that.

The morning after, I think of all the things I could be doing with my life and all the productivity I’d have if I simply never had fun. And that doesn’t sound fun either.

I spiral into "life-improvement mode", swear off drinking forever and picture myself becoming a perfect human specimen. Which also sounds painfully dull.

So I bring it back to the basics, what do I actually love?

I love laughing with my people.

I love my work and the ridiculous, complex problems we tackle.

I love sports and "trying" to win.

I love being outside and in the water.

I adore music, especially now both my son and husband are both musicians.

We talk a lot about balance. I’m getting better at it, in my own chaotic way. My balance is doing everything at a million miles an hour and finishing early, or spending a whole day doing absolutely nothing at all.

Go out, have fun, go home. You can sit on the beach like a tired parent, or you can get yourself a surfboard and get amongst it.

Participate, be here. You’re only here once.

I love running, biking, swimming, surfing and my latest obsession, being part of a surf canoe crew.

I love being fit enough I can go out for a run or mountain bike ride with minimal training and actually enjoy it.

But I also know that if I do nothing but work, train and try to be some sort of superwoman, I become a miserable person to be around.

I’m not a purist. I’m a purely imperfect person who loves drinking too much, letting loose, dancing like there’s no tomorrow and regretting it the next day.

I also love getting to the beach at dawn, running, losing myself in my music and finishing with a bracing, thrilling cold dip in my undies.

I thrive on deadlines and crises at work. I love meeting new people doing impossibly genius things.

And I live for the moments when my team are battling something they absolutely hate in the moment, only to nail it and grow visibly in front of me with pride.

I couldn’t imagine any other life. I live for the adrenaline.

And then there are the people I love. My son thinks the sun shines out of my bum, and I think my husband still does too. My circle of friends is smaller and tighter these days, all wonderfully weird in completely different ways.

The best part is we actually embrace those differences. If I think they’re weird and adore them anyway, why would I assume they don’t feel the same about me?

I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. Most people think I’m a bit crazy. Plenty judge me for travelling so much or not appearing to be the most maternal mum on earth.

I’m bossy, moody and have a world-class case of foot-in-mouth.

But living your life worrying how others perceive you is actually one of the most self-centred ways to exist. When you’re constantly thinking about what people think of you, you stop thinking about them.

We could all do with a little less worrying about how we’re seen, and a bit more checking in on how others are doing.

So where am I going with this? And what triggered it?

This year has been tough, a slog for many of us. But the days are getting lighter and warmer. The guilt can stay in winter.

"Should" is for the bin. Think instead of all the things you could do this summer.

Maybe stop scrolling the socials. Stop comparing yourself with who you think you should be.

Remember, you only get this life once, and you may as well live it authentically, messily, imperfectly, in the moment.

• Sarah Ramsay is chief executive of United Machinists.