Arrowtown book buyer Miranda Spary continues her regular column about her recommendations for a good read, and life as she sees it.
I'm off to do my gun licence this week so I've had to stop being a grumpy old cow.
If I don't, my darling says he will tell the police I am too bad-tempered to be in charge of a gun.
As every male who has had the misfortune to cross my path this week knows, I have been a little tetchy thanks to a combination of living without hot water or floors for the past two months, our internet disappearing into the ether and to top it all off, my darling has been suffering from a dangerous form of manflu.
He was jubilant when Dr Val said he had bronchitis and gave him antibiotics.
I am going to order him one of those Spike Milligan tombstones that say "See, I told you I was feeling sick."
His manflu didn't stop him playing golf for days on end in the Handa tournament at Millbrook.
Or stop him gloating about the great haul of golf clubs he won.
It seems to have been a fabulous tournament - Mr Handa, a Japanese businessman and opera singer, loves to make lots of money and give it away to all sorts of good causes.
Not sure that struggling property developers with grumpy wives quite fall into that category, but never mind.
Struggling is the all-day occupation of the heroine of Precious, an obese young black women from Harlem whose life is so hard and horrible that you can't imagine how she can be bothered even carrying on at all.
But she's a girl with wild and wonderful dreams and enough ambition to make you ashamed of the beautiful, easy life we lead here in the Wakatipu Basin.
If you don't think your life is like that, go and see this marvellous, inspirational movie.
And when you come out of the cinema shell-shocked and humbled, remember how many people in the world are living lives like that.
It's a must-see; no two ways about it.
It will make you want to take advantage of all the learning opportunities we take for granted.
And I am taking full advantage of them all: not just my gun licence which you can do through Reap (those rabbits are going to be very afraid), but I am also going on Kristen de Haan's yoga weekend at Hawea.
Yoga and guns probably aren't a natural go-together, but if you are looking for satisfaction, it's hard to choose between a downward dog and a dead rabbit.
I'm also taking full advantage of the free computer courses the Otago Polytechnic is running in Shotover St.
I would really rather everyone didn't know about this fantastic service - a room full of beautiful brand-new computers and you just choose anything you want to learn about using them.
Lovely Al who runs it gives you the right workbook, sets you up and helps you if you get stuck and NEVER loses her patience (we have tried . . .), and you go home and practise on your own stupid old lousy computer which suddenly does some of the things you tell it to.
Quite extraordinary.
Go along and have a look; it really is free.
I still can't quite believe it.
With all the money you can save on learning to use the hideously expensive computer you have owned for ages, you can go and give yourself another feel-good moment by going online, visiting the Wakatipu Trailblazer website and paying the $15 entry fee to take part in this fundraising exercise on March 25.
The Wakatipu Trails Trust needs to raise some big money towards the new cycleway so it needs the whole community's support.
If you can afford to pay more than $15, go crazy and do it.
The Trailblazer will be really good fun and it's even better value if you enter a team.
With all this learning I've been doing, I've been hard pressed to do too much reading, but I absolutely loved Hurry Up and Meditate, and not just because it's such a terrific title.
The author, David Michie, is a Rhodesian-born (gives you a clue to his age) businessman, who has written this great guide to meditation.
In case you don't know, meditation is when you stop and don't think for a bit.
Deliberately.
Not many of us do it that way.
I am one of the world's finest non-thinkers, but not in the useful, meditative way.
When you read this book, you learn a lot about what happens to your brain when you purposely let it be still and let it have a bit of a nanna nap.
Your brain works so much better afterwards.
Well, apparently it does, and now I am going to have to add meditation to my list of things I need to do.
And another delicious book is Major Pettigrew's Last Stand, by Helen Simonson.
Major Pettigrew's wife has been dead for six years, and he lives alone in a pretty English village.
He's marvellously conservative and does all the right things until he falls in love with Mrs Ali, the owner of the village shop who also happens to be Pakistani.
His twit of a son is outraged, as are her strictly Muslim family.
It's a very elegant comedy of manners, and there's loads of fun to be had reading about the sweeping generalisations people make.
Last but not least is As the Earth Turns Silver, by Alison Wong.
Like Major Pettigrew and Mrs Ali, lead characters Yung and Katherine are from different backgrounds, and the problems their relationship causes in early 20th-century Wellington are many and, ultimately, tragic.
It's very beautiful and gentle writing.
This is Alison Wong's first novel and she's done a great job.
Thanks very much to Charlotte Montgomery, who recommended it.
If you've read something great lately, do let me know.
