If there's one thing I've learnt over the last 50 years, it's that things don't always turn out the way you expect.
I wanted my darling to learn to use the computer so he could check his own emails and then I'd buy him an iPad and he'd stop bugging me.
He still doesn't know why other people think it's curious that his email address is miranda@queenstown.co.nz.
His great mate, Queenstown's old grey mayor David Bradford, said he would teach him to play Internet poker and that would get him sorted in no time.
It didn't work, because as soon as David had gone, my darling only had me to ask for advice and since I think there is something pathetically wrong with grown men sitting inside playing any sort of game on a computer, I wasn't helpful.
Plan two was for David to teach him how to look at boats on the Internet.
I'm not sure if this strategy was a success. He woke on Friday morning insisting that I book flights for him and David to be in Marmaris, Turkey by Monday morning.
He had met the boat of his dreams and, terrified that some other man would claim her first, needed to be there pronto.
Organising these flights meant my enjoyment of the John Perriam and Annabel Langbein lunch at Northburn on Friday was ruined. I wanted to listen to these two enthusiastic New Zealand personalities, chat to some of the crowd, and enjoy the lunch and the Northburn ambience.
Instead, I had to keep racing outside and up into cellphone range at the top of a hill playing phone tag with lovely Louise at Air New Zealand as she worked to get the flights they needed.
I don't know why I worried. She really is a miracle worker.
I did have time to learn I have a boyfriend, though. His name is Peter Atkinson and his wife says he's very nice. Apparently, he rushes to read his girlfriend's column each Friday.
Hello, Peter - I look forward to meeting you one day.
Although I am sobbing constantly about my husband running off to meet his Turkish temptress, I have been as busy as a bee.
I've had all sorts of real men doing jobs around the place and had a massive clearout.
I noticed the Presbyterians were having a big fair at the Lake Hayes showground this weekend and were looking for things to sell. Did they want to come and take the enormous piles of stuff we can probably live without? They were very happy to oblige.
I always wanted to be a Presbyterian when I was at an Anglican boarding school. We had to go to church every Sunday. The only males attending the Anglican services were about 100 years old, but the Presbyterian service was packed with divinely spotty, gangly teenage boys from the boys' boarding schools.
Even though we were wearing our lust-preventing school regulation enormous grey underpants, the heady scent of testosterone and the enchanting sound of croaky/squeaky pubescent males singing made us certain that God was alive and well in the Presbyterian church.
AND they had a sexy minister with long curly hair (this was in the 70s, remember) and he played a guitar. Huge numbers of Anglican girls swarmed to convert.
Anyway, get along to the fair on Saturday - it's a terrific day out.
It's so easy to get sidetracked writing this column and run out of room before I have told you about some great books.
I don't know about you, but I often read a lot of books with a common theme for a while.
My latest theme seems to have been books written by local geniuses and all with fantastic photos. I've mentioned most of them before but here they are in one place.
The launch of John Blair's book about his architecture here over the last 40 years took place in the Arrowtown Museum on Friday night.
It's a stunning book and full of buildings you will all recognise. There were so many downtown Queenstown buildings that I didn't realise were his creations.
There are some early ones I wasn't so keen on, but as John said in his speech, after 40 years of practice, you get a lot better at architecture - or words to that effect.
Alan Brady's Pinot Central - a winemaker's story is another beautiful book about the Wakatipu and its ever changing face.
And everyone would love to get a copy of Annabel Langbein's The Free Range Cook or John Perriam's Dust to Gold.
And for a seriously strange but theoretically appealing view of the world, read A Life on Gorge River by Richard Long.
I read it in one sitting and felt exhausted just thinking about living that way so far from civilisation.
The author (known as Beansprout) lives not far from here as the crow flies, but a million miles away from most of us in terms of lifestyle and comfort in his little hut in South Westland.
A million miles away from Beansprout's life is a very ladyish afternoon tea party and fashion show at Nugget Point on Sunday at 1.30pm.
You can buy tickets ($45) from Collective or Nine and the proceeds are going to Happiness House, which does a great job helping people in difficult circumstances here, and the Citizens' Advice Bureau.
Terrific causes and should be a lot of fun.
Have a great weekend!
