Wanaka reporter Marjorie Cook tarted up her gumboots with a fur trim (cost $1; thanks Wanaka Wastebusters) and went to the most keenly awaited fashion event held in this part of the nation this week, the inaugural Haast Creative Arts Fashion Show.
Haast must be one of the most balanced communities I've met in a nor'west gale.
No-one falls off their impossibly high heels because everyone wears sensible shoes.
My fur-trimmed rubber boots were a hit with fellow Haast Creative Arts Fashion Show judge Matt Webb, of Clyde.
Yes, he's a Courier Post van driver and yes, he wears sensible knitted woollen jerseys, and yes, on Thursday we were fashion judges, along with Westland mayor Maureen Pugh.
We appointed Mrs Pugh as head judge after she admitted prior judicial experience at the Franz Josef Idol Night.
"I was the bitch judge. I did it for a couple of years and they never asked me back," she said.
Everyone at the show was very excited and adored the outrageously funny children's costumes.
The children's section wasn't judged. It would have been too hard to call.
But special mentions must go to the young Kerr boys, Jacob and Earnest, who designed Haast eagle outfits, and year 8 pupil Stephanie Allan-Stephen, who looked lovely in flax and fern.
From the moment Heleen Johnston burst on to stage dressed as a tree - an apparition she said came to her in a dream - it was clear entrants in the community section had a hard act to follow.
Shane Johnston put on a screamingly good performance, Robin Manera's "hat" was hard to put down, Michelle Manera was fabulous in a toilet roll frock, Lydia Beales's A-frame hat was a talking point and John Cowan was unrecognisable as "the man in the mirror".
Haast local Frans Dellebeke, resplendent in a yellow backpack liner, had been appointed our minder.
As things gathered pace, Mr Dellebeke sat patiently in the dark behind us with a headlamp on, adding up our wildly lavish scores.
Eventually he called an emergency meeting of the organising committee.
The vibrant crowd of about 150 continued working through the refreshments but things did quieten down.
Mr Webb was quick on the uptake.
"We're useless," he pronounced, and yes, I could see those thought bubbles rising like hot air balloons.
"Look at you, you fashion guru," a woman teased Mr Webb, gently tugging on his woollen jumper.
Master of ceremonies Eamonnd Johnston eventually confirmed our fears.
"There's a tie for first, a clear second, but there's a seven-way tie for third place.
"They were going to bring everyone back again so you could make up your mind, but everyone has gone and got changed.
"But we'll sort it out," Mr Johnston told us.
We have to say the show was a raging success.
We were astounded, blown away, in tears of laughter and joy, and completely overwhelmed by the creativity of the children, parents and friends of Haast School and Haast Playgroup, who hosted the show.
Participation prizes of bokashi compost system buckets were presented to the children by Mrs Pugh and Westland councillor Kerry Eggeling.
Mrs Pugh, who is standing for re-election, pronounced the show to be exactly the sort of thing small town community spirit is all about.
School principal Jill Cogger made a special presentation to teacher Nicky Johnston, who has resigned her position as second teacher at the 13-pupil school to spend more time with her family and travel to France.
And the winners? The Mad Hatters, modelled by Bex Hishon and Emma White and designed by Heleen Johnston.
The garments took a couple of months and untold kilos of chocolate to make.
The hardest part was collecting chocolate wrappers to make the bodices and eventually the women put a call out for chocolate lovers to leave their wrappings at Johnston Motors.
The second hardest part was closing the shop to get dressed.
"We were serving customers for half an hour with our faces on this evening. When I tried to close up they wouldn't take us seriously," Ms White said.
And they would absolutely do it again, even though it was the most nerve-wracking thing they had done.
"I think we should have it every four years, just like the Olympics," Ms White said.
The total raised for the school and playgroup should be available early next week.
The community is fundraising for technology to reduce isolation and provide opportunities for Haast children.
Results overall:
First: Heleen Johnston (models Bex Hishon, Emma White), of Haast.
Second: Michelle Manera, of Haast.
Third: Lynnie Horne, of Haast.
Fourth: Lydia Beales, of Makarora.
