• Pipe dream
The general theory is that it is simply impossible for New Zealand golf's No 1 star to be involved in any capacity with our premier men's tournament.
I get that, I do.
Lydia Ko is now No 1 in the world, and has her own busy schedule, and is part of a sports marketing superpower that would see little benefit in her spending much time at all in her home country.
BUT.
Is it really, genuinely impossible?
Queenstown's multi-squillionaires can't each chip in a few bucks to seal the deal?
The organisers can't create a ''Ko Challenge'' segment of the New Zealand Open, a one-day add-on to the tournament where some of the celebrities and professionals who have missed the cut can compete against Lydia?
This is a great tournament, with plenty of outstanding golfers.
But Lydia is the queen. Her presence would take everything to another level.
• The name game
Every year, the pro-am field at the New Zealand Open includes all sorts of interesting names.
Imagine the excitement when we saw ''Kevin Peterson'' listed alongside Millbrook professional Ben Gallie.
No, it's not English cricket exile Kevin Pietersen. But his nickname might be KP.
There is also an Ian Hart. And unless advised otherwise, I'm going to go ahead and assume it is the English actor who played John Lennon in Backbeat and P-p-p-professor Q-q-q-quirrell in the first Harry Potter movie.
• A side of Beef
English cricket great Sir Ian Botham, one of the special guests at The Hills, was asked some time ago who he would have in his dream foursome.
He listed Sir Winston Churchill (He'd be my cigar buddy), Genghis Khan (The only man I know about that was more right-wing than me) and late friend David Coe.
• Lucky charm?
One of the many benefits of covering golf, aside from interesting stories, spectacular scenery and lots of free food, is the presence of the best media liaisons in all of sport.
We are lucky at The Hills to have the services of Olivia (or Liv, or Leev, if you have her accent) McMillan, a human dynamo who effectively does half our job for us.
She suggests interviews, drags players in at times that suit us, and provides us with all sorts of information.
Liv is also, selflessly, away at another engagement this weekend in what we are convinced is a sign the tournament will be won by a New Zealander.
Love your work, Liv.
• Hashtag hijinks
There was potential for some real transtasman tension in the New Zealand Open media centre this week.
The official Open Twitter account posted photos using the #flushview hashtag and encouraged the players to do the same.
Naturally, a few sensitive Koywoys well, at least one, pondered if it was the Australians mocking our accent and our pronunciation of flash view.
Turns out it was a genuine use of the word flush, referring to a beautifully-struck golf shot.
• So there, Melbourne
Australian golfer Kristopher Mueck did not hold back when he was interviewed by a radio station from his home state this week.
Risking great offence, Mueck proclaimed that Queenstown was a ''much better'' place than Melbourne.
Who are we to argue?
• Worthy cause
Moxy Smith and company are hoping to raise a chunk of cash for junior golf in Otago this week.
They have a silent auction running at The Hills, featuring signed Lydia Ko gear and cricket bats signed by Brian Lara and Sir Viv Richards and others.
They are also running a $5 raffle in which the major prize is a round of golf for four people at The Hills.
• Ch-ch-ch-changes
Golf courses are ever-changing beasts, and The Hills is no different.
Golfers have this week had to negotiate a new bunker on the second hole and it's the size of Lake Taupo. (Note, this may be hyperbole.)The bunker has replaced some tussock that was swallowing up a few too many balls.
Changes are also planned for the tricky 16th hole. Loads of soil will be removed so the full green can be seen from the tee.
• Triumph
The Clutch was a little cynical about all the attention being heaped on the ''celebrities'' at the Open.
But it was hard to maintain that line after sitting through the press conference involving so many great cricketers this week.
Led by Sir Ian Botham and Sir Viv Richards, they were all engaging and humorous. And forgive me if I was a little star-struck at seeing the great Ricky Ponting up close.
• Disaster
Golfers at a club in Florida were given an almighty scare when a whopping great alligator wandered over one of the holes.
Photos surfaced this week of the monster and it looked truly terrifying.
The wolves at The Hills are sort of intimidating but at least they do not move.
• The first quote
''I feel sorry for the person who gets that car. We tore it a new one.''
- Australian golfer Daniel Nisbet was buzzing after taking a fancy BMW for a spin at the New Zealand Open.
• The second quote
''It still can happen. I think it's very important to tune up your zombie survival skills, because you never know.''
- Women's golf star Michelle Wie was presumably joking when she said this in Singapore last week.
