Yes: Minnows - the smaller nations - should be allowed to compete in the world cups of both cricket and rugby.
No: Pffft. You're an idiot.
Yes: Hang on now. They're called "world" cups. That means the world should be invited to participate, surely.
No: That's a little simplistic. It should really mean the BEST in the world are invited. And what's this "participate" rubbish? Elite tournaments are about WINNING.
Yes: Yeah, but the little nations add so much colour and excitement to world cups. For that reason alone, they should be kept.
No: Save me. You're living in a world of candy floss and fairy dust. Elite sport means winning. Colour and excitement? This isn't mardi gras.
Yes: But how can rugby and cricket become global games without opening their world cups up to the world? And how can the minnows get better without playing the big boys?
No: Duh, rugby and cricket will never become global games. And how exactly does spirit-crushing defeat after spirit-crushing defeat contribute to minnows getting better?
Yes: Boom! I got you on this one. Ireland beats England! Bangladesh beats England! New Zealand beats Pakistan! Minnows CAN win games.
No: Pffft. Everyone beats England. And the real winners from that Pakistan game were the bookies. I notice you didn't list all those Rugby World Cup upsets like . . . hmmmm. Does the All Blacks losing to France count?
Yes: With the minnows, we get great stories like the Bangers, the Irish dude with the awful hair, and 40-year-old Australian spin bowling coach John Davison playing for Canada against Australia.
No: With the minnows, we get ridiculously one-sided games and a long, drawn-out tournament.
• Ice hockey update
Promoter Gareth Webber has been in touch following my query last week about the veracity of this "USA" v "Canada" ice hockey series coming here later this year.
He sent me a letter his group circulated just days before my column appeared, confirming the teams were not affiliated to the official governing bodies of both nations.
But Gareth has also pointed out the Canadian team will not be the Canadian Moose - they are sending a separate "old-timers" team for exhibition games - and claimed both teams will include genuine professionals.
He maintains the series will provide plenty of value for money, as much for the entertainment as the on-ice action.
Hawke Cup imposter
Eleven years ago, I covered Dunedin Metropolitan winning cricket's Hawke Cup and was too naive to realise it should never have happened.
Cricket came to its senses a year later and the major cities were again booted out of a competition that was designed to reward the provincial game.
Since that summer, both North Otago and Otago Country have won the Hawke Cup, providing the respective local communities with memories to last a lifetime.
But someone needs to explain why Hamilton - a bigger city than Dunedin - remains in the competition, and now holds the Cup after thrashing poor Marlborough at the weekend.
• Hammer time up
It's "so long" to one of the good guys of Otago rugby.
Greg Zampach has retired from the sport after suffering a concussion and further damage to his eye socket playing a pre-season game for Southern against the touring Jockey club from Argentina.
Zampach was a fine club performer for Southern - with which he won the banner in 2007 - and Zingari-Richmond.
Arguably, his most memorable moment was scoring the dramatic game-winning try for Southern in the 2007 semifinal against University A, which prompted shrieks of "The Hammer! The Hammer! The Hammer!" from Paul Dwyer live on radio.
Zampach, a speedy winger, blossomed in spectacular style when he hit 30, becoming an Otago regular and even making the Highlanders for a season. Last year, he played superbly for North Otago as it won the Meads Cup.
• This is why...
There have been two significant male figures, excluding teachers, in my life.
Both are sons of the North Otago soil, both are humble men, and both made me extremely proud in the aftermath of the Christchurch earthquake.
First, my 61-year-old father, Trevor, agreed to head to the city for three days as part of the urban search and rescue effort.
At the time, I told people I didn't know whether to feel proud or inadequate.
Dad, a long-time SAR member and keen outdoors man, worked with groups in the suburbs, checking people had everything they needed to cope.
He came back tired but in awe of the spirit the people were showing in such traumatic times.
• ...we respect our elders
Then there is my mentor and former ODT colleague, Brent Edwards.
He casually mentioned in an email to me he "just went up to Christchurch as a volunteer".
Brent worked with an Englishman and two young Germans, clearing silt and delivering water and food packs for a group based at Canterbury University.
"Their organisation was incredible but it was pretty sad and humbling going to houses where families had lost just about everything," Brent wrote.
What you might already know about Brent, who I guess is of a similar age to my father, is that he regularly receives dialysis. Any trip away requires equal amounts of determination and planning.
My theory with men like these is that their generation was raised on tales of wartime heroism, so their natural instinct in tough times is to see what help they can offer.
• Son of Oamaru
It was six days ago and appeared in another newspaper, but I have to mention a recent feature on a unique North Otago/England hero.
Tom Wood - "Tom the Pom" - came out to play a season for the Valley club and the Old Golds five years ago.
Since then, he's filled out a bit and become an integral part of the English side seeking a Grand Slam in the Six Nations.
The English press seem fascinated by the story of a young rugby player who, rather than settle into life in academies and sponsors' functions, took off to rural New Zealand to play some real rugby and get a real job.
But not many of the papers went to the lengths of the Sunday Times, which got in touch with both North Otago great Mike Mavor and local publican Sally-Ann Donnelly - who gave Wood free meals for half a year - and wrote a cracking piece.
• Hayden's hiatus
This will be the last Last Word for a few weeks. Yes, I know, it's a cruel thing to read over your Saturday brunch. But it's all right, Mum, there are plenty of other good sections of the paper to read.
I will be busy on a special project - hang on, that needs capitals - A Special Project.
Details will be revealed soon. Suffice to say it is something that, if it is to be done properly, is going to require a lot of work.
