Ella Harris had enough on her mind.
She woke up on what should have been a normal Monday morning to a group message from her LifePlus-Wahoo team management — who she had been having trouble contacting weeks before — asking everyone to be free for a team meeting that afternoon last June.
The Dunedin cyclist was in Barcelona for a doctor’s appointment and was scheduled to be on a train back to her base in Girona at the time of the call.
Trapped in the Barcelona underground for half an hour thanks to a delayed train, Harris missed the entire call, and when she finally resurfaced in reception, she was inundated with messages from fellow riders checking in that everyone was OK.
It did not take long for her to "put the dots together" and realise what had happened.
LifePlus-Wahoo had folded, effective immediately.
For most elite athletes, it is the news no-one wants to hear, but Harris felt differently.
"To speak selfishly about it, it was actually quite a relief," Harris told the Otago Daily Times.
"At that time, I knew that I didn’t want to ride professionally for the next year, but I was in quite an awkward position where the team were still obligated to pay my salary, even though I hadn’t been able to race.
"Morally, it was quite conflicting for me. I felt incredibly guilty about it, but at the same time I had to look after myself."
She was pleased other riders could pick up contracts elsewhere, but it meant Harris was free, and lifted a weight off her shoulders as she looked for opportunities off the bike.
It had been an unsettling two years for Harris with the team as small factors, including a lack of communication and management spreading themselves thinly, creating a stressful and uncertain environment for riders.
"They had lots of dreams and ambitions for the team, but ultimately lots of those were unfulfilled.
"There was almost a sense of relief they were finally putting to rest what they had started.
"I think it was for the best that the team ended and no other riders would be joining."
To understand the relief, we have to go back to the start.
Harris was awarded a contract with German team Canyon-SRAM after beating out 4500 other hopefuls in a gruelling online fitness contest through the Zwift Academy in 2019.
After four years with Canyon-SRAM, Harris moved to LifePlus-Wahoo in 2023, but "things really started to unravel for me".
The team’s naming right sponsor pulled out, and management scrambled to find a replacement and fund the programme for the upcoming season.
"There was a lot of uncertainty even leading into the start of the year whether I’d actually be able to compete for this team . . . we didn’t really start off on the best foot."
During a race in May, Harris was concussed after coming off her bike during a crash.
Her team’s lack of concussion protocols, and support, put her in danger from the start and led her to try to race the next day.
Heading into the 2024 season, Harris felt she was building up for a decent season abroad after good performances at the New Zealand championships.
But, still, she gave herself the hard word it would be her last season giving professional riding a good crack, and if it did not work out, it was time to move on.
During her travels back to Spain in March last year, Harris caught Covid, but soon realised her chest symptoms were more severe than most.
Two months later, after an array of different tests and medical appointments, she was diagnosed with myocarditis, an inflammation of the heart.
It put her on bed rest for three months, and it was there where she decided to prioritise herself as a person, not an athlete.
"That was when I decided I would not longer try and actually continue to be competitive."
Harris described herself as someone who thrived under pressure, and when things were stacked against her, she always found a way to pull through.
But she knew she had to be honest with herself.
"I’ve also realised I need to be mature about it, and try, and realise when my time is up, and when I’m just banging my head against a wall and need to actually move on and try something else.
"I think it’s probably taken me a while to come to that conclusion, but I’m glad that I have."
She was happy she gave it one last shot.
"I felt as if I owed it to myself and that I still didn’t want to leave any stone unturned and I felt as if, let’s just give it one last crack and see what happens.
"I almost knew that the universe was telling me that I didn’t need to, that I should be trying something else, as soon as I got Covid."
Harris, 26, has a refreshingly honest outlook on how her career panned out.
Asked what her career highlights and proudest moments were, Harris said it was a tough question to answer.
"It’s hard to say because I always see . . . people that are doing incredible things, or even riders who started in a similar position to me and have been able to make it and break through.
"I see the results that some people are able to achieve and I feel like a bit of a failure.
"Because I haven’t been able to actually feel as though I’ve lived up to my own potential and build on some of the results that I showed at the beginning of my career where it looked like I had real promise and things just petered out."
But there was still plenty to look back on fondly.
She was proud to represent New Zealand at the world championships and in the road race at the Birmingham Commonwealth Games — "I also had my back up against the wall leading into that event when I broke my hip socket and had surgery three months prior" — but at the top of the list was her mindset.
"I think I’m probably most proud of how I’ve been able to come back from some of the setbacks that I’ve had.
"I just wish I could’ve been able to make it more consistent."
Stepping away from professional sport is never easy, but it was a decision Harris made peace with.
"I would see other people achieving success and thinking to myself ‘why can’t I have a clean run at it to be able to showcase what I can do as well?’.
"I’ve just accepted that, for whatever reason, it’s just not meant to be."
While she did not rule out some form of competitive sport in her future, she did not think it would be road cycling.
Gravel racing interested her, as did trail running having enjoyed hiking throughout Dunedin over the past few months.
She felt the stakes in road cycling were higher now, and unless cyclists were part of a strong team, with a supportive environment, the risks were not worth the rewards.
Cycling provided great support at the top level, but further down the chain, it was mixed, she said.
"If you’re an up and coming cyclist in New Zealand . . . it’s quite difficult to be able to get support through the national system. That can make it really challenging for riders who are coming through who have a lot of potential and they need development . . . but they’re not able to get the necessary support."
Searching for new opportunities, Harris landed a job with her former team, now known as Canyon-SRAM zondacrypto.
Harris, who will return to Girona, has signed on as a marketing and communications assistant and recently returned from the Tour Down Under, in Australia, with the team.
She is looking forward to sharing the stories of her team’s riders from Germany, Rwanda, Nigeria and more, and still "living the lifestyle that I used to live".
Staying in cycling was important to her — "I think otherwise I would have really missed it" — and it gave her continuity and allowed her to bring her knowledge into a new career phase.
"It’s a really exciting project and I think there’s lots of scope for me," Harris said.
"Being now on the other side of the fence is great for me, because I’m working within a professional team at the highest level and I’m able to have exposure to the way that the sport is growing and developing, but also I don’t have to put myself at risk — and I think that’s the main thing for me.
"I want to look after my health going forward . . . being able to control that risk is a really important thing."
Harris is pleased she put her foot down when she realised her health would be a long-term battle.
Back home in Dunedin, she began training for enjoyment when she had a myocarditis flare-up in October.
"I had a relapse and I’m still not really able to exercise at high intensity now."
She turned to hiking and enjoyed exploring the outdoors, which had filled her cup over the past few months.
While she was not missing cycling right now, she looked forward to the day where she could jump back on the bike just for herself.
"I’m really looking forward to riding my bike again at some point.
"It’s one of those things that you don’t know what you’re missing out on until you start doing it again, and then you get the itch, and you get those endorphins flowing.
"But at the moment I can’t quite remember what they felt like, so I’m not missing them too much."
