Hayden Miekle's Last Word.
Alpha male
There was an interesting article on the New Zealand Herald website the other day posing the question of whether Novak Djokovic was the greatest male athlete in world sport.
The Serbian sensation is certainly the new king of tennis, having won three grand slam titles on the trot.
Does that make him No 1 across all codes? Two of Djokovic's fellow tennis men, Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal, have arguably held that status at times over the last seven or eight years, though both are now fighting for second on the court.
A golf superstar (Tiger Woods) and a swimming superstar (Michael Phelps) have been on the downward slide.
Racing car drivers Sebastian Vettel (F1) and Sebastien Loeb (rally) dominate their respective events, Richie McCaw is the king of rugby, Darren Lockyer was the colossus of league before retiring, Sachin Tendulkar is probably still cricket's greatest single figure, and we can't anoint boxing's king until Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquaio get in the ring.
Two strong contenders for the overall crown could be Usain Bolt, the fastest man in history, and LeBron James, the best basketballer on the planet.
But really, isn't the best male athlete in world sport a tiny bloke called Lionel?Barcelona and Argentina maestro Lionel Messi has dominated football for three years. He's my pick.
The longest days
In case you missed it, Djokovic and Nadal combined for the longest grand slam tennis final in history, a whopping five hours and 53 minutes.
Even that paled in comparison with the longest professional tennis match, the magnificently epic 2010 Wimbledon clash between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut that took 11 hours and five minutes, and finished 70-68 in the fifth set.
The longest cricket test was the 1939 clash between England and South Africa in Durban. The "timeless test" featured nine days of play (plus two rest days, and a day lost to rain) and was abandoned because the English team had to catch the boat home.
The longest single cricket innings was English great Len Hutton's 364, scored in 797 minutes (13 hours and 17 minutes) against Australia at The Oval in 1938.
The longest professional baseball game was in 1981 between minor league teams Pawtucket and Rochester, who took eight hours and 25 minutes to find a result after 33 innings.
Shriekers must be stopped
If the men's final at the Australian Open was a shining example of skill, passion, durability and competitiveness, the women's final was televisual torture.
I lasted about ooooohhhhhhhh five minutes before I had to oooooohhhhhh change the channel to find oooooooohhhhh something else.
The shriekfest between Victoria Azarenka and Maria Sharapova was utterly farcical, and tennis rulemakers need to do something about the spate of screaming.
A compilation of descriptions of the noise created by the scream queens, courtesy of the Tennis Space website. -"Less a grunt than a long, high-pitched squeal, it could easily be mistaken for the mating call of the peacock." (The Times)
"An auditory assault, a stuck-pig-giving-birth soundtrack." (Sports Illustrated)
"Like Mickey Mouse in distress.""A balloon being deflated.""An angry parakeet."
And, best of all. -"Azarenka's emissions stray well beyond 'woman busting a gut' into the realms of 'woman having her nipples pierced with a blunt needle'. When the umpire called for 'new balls', it might have been in the mistaken belief she had heard a choir of castrated schoolboys." (Richard Hinds, in The Age)
Justin time
Lakes cricket fans might have noticed a familiar figure playing for Jacks Point in the local twenty/20 competition.
The sunglasses, the golden hair, the presence . . . maybe even a word of advice or two for the umpire.
Evidently Justin Marshall, the former All Black halfback who now lives in Queenstown, is quite useful with the bat and ball.
Skipping on
The Hawkes Bay Today newspaper reports another record this week for that great forgotten Black Cap, Mathew Sinclair.
"Skippy" became the leading scorer in the history of New Zealand domestic one-day cricket, his 4382 runs eclipsing Michael Parlane's 4332.
His average this season is a mere 142.00, with a century and two 50s in his five innings for Ford Trophy top qualifier Central Districts.
Sinclair (36) played 54 one-day internationals, scoring 1304 runs at 28.34. Yet another international recall seems unlikely, but he doesn't seem to have given up hope.
W-W-W-What's in a name?
When basketball players talk about the "W", they are generally referring to their team's latest win.
But for Boston Celtics veteran Ray Allen, the letter has greater significance.
He and wife Shannon recently welcomed their fourth son, Wystan. His brothers are Walter, Walker and Wynn.
"We had a lot of advice and a lot of names being said. We scoured every `W' name we could," Allen said.
Team-mate Michael Pietrus suggested the name "Windmill", as in windmill dunk. But the Allens resisted the temptation.
Still, the W Allens have nothing on the five sons of boxer George Foreman, all called George.
Pedal power
Who says professional athletes are pampered?When Miami Heat basketball superstar LeBron James had to get to a game against Chicago Bulls earlier this week, and he heard delays were expected because of road closures, he left the keys to the Hummer behind.
"King" James got on his bike.
"Drivers stuck in traffic saw James, in cycling helmet, zipping past them and before long pictures of the spandex-clad forward were appearing on social networks," Reuters reported.
James estimated the trip took 40 minutes. His pre-game exertions were followed by 35 points and 11 rebounds in a 97-93 win.
Baby Harriet
Finally this week, apologies to All Whites defender Andrew Boyens and wife Claire for my unintentional renaming of their little daughter this week.
A slip of the keys led to baby Harriet being called "Harrier" in the story published in Tuesday's Otago Daily Times.
Harriet's father advises he received several emails from friends congratulating him on choosing a hippy-dippy name to match "Apple" or "Harper Seven".
