Parent: I’ve been thinking about my "retirement dream" ...
Son/Daughter: I’ve been thinking about my next move ...
Succession planning isn’t exactly the most romantic topic around the kitchen table.
For many families and small business owners, the dream is that the next generation will take over.
That same dream can feel like pressure nobody asked for and if multiple children or relatives are involved, the approach of "eldest takes all" or the "son should have it" can be fraught.
In such cases, the classic "she’ll be right" style of going with the flow to avoid difficult subjects makes us our own worst enemies.
According to a 2025 Rabobank whitepaper "Changing of the Guard", only 33% of farming businesses surveyed had a written succession plan and 17% had discussed succession but nothing was documented.
When you do the maths, that leaves 50% who had not discussed succession.
This is not only a rural issue.
Many small business owners outside of agriculture also delay talking about succession because it feels too emotional, too early or too awkward to bring up.
But avoidance only creates stress, confusion and potentially conflict later on — the key thing is just to start.
Put values first, not assets
The best succession planning begins with open conversations about values, priorities and goals — not just money.
What matters most to your family? What legacy do you want to leave? Families often avoid these talks over fear of conflict or not knowing where to begin.
But once the conversation starts, it can transform worry into clarity.
Traditionally, New Zealanders see money as a taboo topic, so constructive succession planning is tricky if you start there.
It can be easier to start with the aspirational questions to see what parents and the next generation want to achieve together.
Different generations often think differently about work, lifestyle and risk. Structured conversations help parents recognise these differences are not a rejection of them or their wishes — they are simply a different perspective.
Then, it is important to match them to the specifics so that the next generation knows what the actual circumstances are.
For them, knowing what resources exist and what timeframes their parents want means they do not have to make assumptions.
Having these discussions in a structured way with independent advisers can help focus your conversations on what everyone needs and wants.
Starting on the journey
Rabobank’s research makes an uncomfortable point: succession is not a moment in time, rather it is a process that takes years of planning, conversation and adaptation.
But many families fall into a cycle of delay: "let’s wait till next year", "maybe after the market stabilises".
Ideally, these conversations can begin during casual family gatherings, like summer catch-ups.
From there, families can schedule a meeting with accountants, bank managers or lawyers.
By starting honest conversations now, families can protect relationships, empower the next generation and preserve both their legacy and their peace of mind.
Starting early gives families more flexibility to design solutions that actually work.
They can include:
— Transferring operating control by leasing assets, keeping property ownership in the family.
— Setting up a board of directors to give continuity and strategic advice.
— Bringing in third party shareholders to inject outside capital.
— Phasing ownership to avoid overwhelming debt for the next generation.
— Updating wills to reflect the true wishes of all family members and minimise later arguments.
— Creating a value-based memorandum of wishes to guide trustees of family trusts.
When to call in help
If this feels too confronting or complex (for example, because of multiple family members, the degree of assets or debt, or a long-running history), you may need an independent facilitator, director or trustee.
They add value by:
— Encouraging honest, structured conversations: family businesses blend personal relationships with professional responsibilities. Conflicts can arise from management differences, financial disputes, or generational divides.
Facilitators provide a safe, structured platform where family members can voice concerns, share perspectives and find solutions.
— Clarifying roles, responsibilities, and control: who runs what, and when?
Confusion around control and ownership can lead to conflict.
Independent directors or trustees can map out responsibilities and timelines, so everyone knows where they stand.
— Collaborating with existing advisers: independent directors or trustees complement accountants, tax advisers or lawyers who may have been acting for one generation over a long time. They ensure legal, financial and operational considerations are addressed while keeping communication clear and expectations managed.
— Maintaining confidentiality and independence: facilitators are neutral, with no stake in the outcome.
What family members share can stay confidential, giving people the courage to speak openly without fear of conflict or favouritism.
— Resolving conflicts proactively: even with the best intentions, tensions can simmer.
Facilitators mediate disputes before they escalate, helping families separate personal emotions from business decisions and preserve both relationships and business continuity.
Succession planning may not be easy, but it is vital.
The alternative of avoiding the conversation is far costlier, in stress, relationships and sometimes money.
By starting early, focusing on values and bringing in neutral expertise when needed, families can turn what might feel like a looming crisis into a planned, positive transition that honours both family and business.
— Kate Keddell is director of Balance Consultancy
