He already knows her, but it’s my first time. It’s been nine long years since he’s been home, and his extended family are that excited. I’m pretty nervous about it, though. Will they understand me? Australians don’t understand a word I say, but they are pretty thick.
Yorkshire people are stereotypically known for being blunt, honest, down-to-earth and tight-fisted. This has proved true of my own Yorkshireman. I can’t even call an arborist without his horror at the idea of spending money driving him to get the chainsaw out while yelling, ‘‘Tell him it's done, babe’’.
People from Yorkshire are fiercely proud of their identity, often referring to it as ‘‘God’s Own County’’, just like how we call Aotearoa Godzone. God can love us both, I’m sure.
Expect unpredictable weather. It’s basically a Dunedin summer all year round.
Politically my kind. Yorkshire people hate Tories, after Thatcher screwed over their manufacturing and mining industries. In 1984 there were 170 working collieries in Britain, employing more than 190,000 people. The miners went on strike after learning of planned pit closures and Thatcher used this as a political springboard and a way to weaken the unions. Lots of nasty stuff went on. Only three deep coal pits now remain in the UK. Interesting fact: The word Tory derives from the Irish torai, meaning ‘‘outlaw.’’ It entered the English language in the 17th century, when it was used to describe Irish outlaws who survived by committing acts of robbery and plunder against English settlers. Ironic, like.
North/south divide. There’s a bias against northerners by Londoners who think they are a rough bunch. Yorkshire people think Londoners are soft gits. It’s a lot like the relationship between Aucklanders and the Deep South, just the other way round.
Yorkshire culinary delights include:
Yorkshire pudding, or gravy handbags.
Cheese. Especially Wensleydale, a favourite of Wallace and Gromit.
Food and activism pairings. Yorkshire Parkin is a traditional, sticky and deeply flavoured ginger cake associated with Bonfire Night on November 5. Guy Fawkes was born and educated in York. After he tried to blow up the King, people started taking a moment to chew toffee cake while celebrating his attempt to bring down the establishment.
There are real castles, not like New Zealand’s two ‘‘castles’’ - where never a boiling cauldron of oil has been spilled. Yorkshire has over 30 castles, ranging from dramatic, cliff-top ruins to well-preserved strongholds. Norman fortresses, medieval castles. Some truly gruesome and blood-soaked stuff went down, and people dropped things fleeing for their lives. Metal detectorists have a field day, with north and east Yorkshire named the best places to look for treasure.
Strapping blonde men. A high proportion of the population is descended from the Vikings, who settled here during the 870s, establishing the powerful Kingdom of Jorvik (York) as the capital of the Danelaw after capturing it in 866. This era of Scandinavian rule transformed the region, leaving a lasting legacy in local place names, dialect and culture, with the city serving as a major Viking trading hub. This genetic link explains the Yorkshireman’s ice hockey career as an enforcer, and his driving. Ragnar Lothbrok wouldn’t put up with someone doing 30 in an 80 zone, either.
Pack appropriate attire, says the guidebook: waterproofs and warm clothing for the countryside. Sturdy footwear is essential for walking, as terrain can be rough or wet. But out on the wiley, windy moors you can’t sing ‘‘Heathcliff, it’s me, your Cathy, let me in-a-your window’’ wearing a puffa. You’re going to need something you can waft in. Preferably red.
A history of cool chicks. Emily Bronte did for nagging you from beyond the grave what New Zealand did for feminism - female authors and votes for women being equally frightening to a certain kind of man. Her sister Charlotte started the ‘‘mad woman in the attic’’ trope. And let’s not forget Cartimandua, Queen of the Brigantes. A powerful queen in what is now Yorkshire during Roman Britain, Cartimandua was known for her political acumen. She allied with the Romans to maintain her kingdom’s strength and successfully put down multiple revolts, including some led by her ex-husband.
Finally, James Cook was from Yorkshire and Ancestry.com says 30% of me is too, so, return to sender.
