"People are afraid of being judged by others, about looking weak, about not being capable at work, or being considered ‘crazy’.
"There’s still a lot of stigma and often shame about struggling with our mental health and about our more complicated experiences as humans, such as our romantic relationships.
This social stigma stopped people, especially boys and men, "opening up and asking for help," Mr Hardcore said.
Having open conversations about topics "we’ve historically kept in the dark" would improve things, he said.
A former martial arts champion, Mr Hardcore, of Auckland, gave a talk on "Fighting the Stigma" at the Otago Museum yesterday evening.
It was the latest in a series of wellness events linked to the museum’s Museum of Broken Relationships exhibition.
Mr Hardcore had won national and international Muay Thai and kick boxing titles, and said he believed that fighting saved him — from depression, potential drug and alcohol abuse and, ironically, from seeing violence as a solution.
"Competitive fighting gave me a place to channel all my anger and hurt."
He had not fought for a long time, but through his martial arts coaching, many boys and girls came through his gym.
"It feels amazing to give back to them what I found in Muay Thai and help them."
Young men facing the risks of alcohol abuse and violence had to let themselves feel, and to learn how to "sit with your insecurities, your grief, your anger and confusion".
This was painful, but people could not run away from themselves all the time "with drugs, with alcohol, with gangs, with tattoos, with street violence".
"We put these masks on as men and expect it to keep us safe, but all it’s really doing is keeping the scared little boy inside of ourselves trapped and never growing up."
"Take that mask off, find who you really are, learn to deal with your emotions in a way that doesn’t hurt yourself or hurt others, and you will have a richer and fuller life," he said.
Mr Hardcore, who has an honours degree in political science and Spanish, is a Ministry of Social Development "It’s Not OK" champion, working to educate and end violence against women.
