Dealing with children who have great expectations of the latest in technology, clothes, holidays and sports equipment can be a difficult challenge for parents in tough economic times.
Rebecca Fox talks to some parenting specialists about coping with those expectations as incomes decline and living costs rise.
Learning that a parent's wallet is not bottomless can be difficult for children, just as it is for a parent to say and mean no, especially when things are tough, parenting specialists say.
With rising living costs and worries about job security, many families are tightening their belts, but helping children understand these issues without worrying them can be difficult.
Catholic Social Services social worker Sue Whyte said children quickly picked up on tension and stress between parents and it impacted on them.
"It's important parents focus on what's going right, especially the small things, rather than what's going wrong."
There were many strategies parents could learn to assist them in parenting as it was a big job, particularly when families were struggling with many other things, she said.
The language parents used or the way they framed things was important, such as when children would not clean their teeth - instead of telling them off, try "I really like the way you smile when your teeth are sparkly".
Next they would be cleaning their teeth to smile at Mum, she said.
"It's often the simple things like this that help create a more positive atmosphere."
For children who wanted things their parents could no longer afford, delayed gratification often worked, Ms Whyte advised.
Involve the child in the planning and earning the money themselves, using charts to show how close they were getting.
"It's important to start with something readily achievable. Never start with something beyond your and your child's reach ."
For clothes, some parents gave the child a six-monthly or yearly allowance then they could work out themselves if they wanted one piece of labelled clothing or four other pieces, she said.
Another way, was if the child could earn a certain amount themselves and mum or dad meet them half way.
Otago Daily Times parenting columnist Ian Munro said in a recent column, it could be difficult to say no to children, but parents needed to be firm - to say no, and mean it.
It was important for children to understand that a parent's wallet was not bottomless and that their credit card had its limits.
Much of what children wanted was a passing craze, not something for their education or improvement, Mr Munro said.
They needed to be taught the value of money, that a parent only had "x" amount of dollars to spend.
"Pester power", the combination of whining children and parental guilt, could be very effective and if you continued to give in, the attacks would continue, he said.
"A youngster has little to lose by keeping on at you and a lot to gain when you eventually relent to shut them up."
Parents should explain to their children why they were saying no in a firm manner and leave it.
Eventually, the child would get the message, Mr Munro said.
A compromise could work in some cases, such as allowing older children who earn money to pay the difference between the non-label version a parent offered to pay for and the label version they wanted.
It helped to make sure the other parent was in agreement so the children could not play one off against the other, he said.
When shopping with their children, parents needed to know what they wanted, and where and what they wanted to avoid.
Some parenting rules
> Encourage your children to save for things they want.
> Use everyday encounters to help children learn about money.
> Endless cash at money machines - show them withdrawals on your statement
> Explain interest - that you can earn by saving or have to pay when you borrow.
> Encourage your children to be aware of the relationship they are developing with money.
> Talk about money with your children so they learn about the value of money When money's gone, it's gone - do not bail them out.
> If you have made a rule or an agreement be decisive and stick to it! Encourage your children to keep written records of income and expenditure. Show them yours.
Source: sorted.org.nz
