Chris Parkers’ Dunedin drama

Comedian Chris Parker is heading to Dunedin on July 12. PHOTO: SUPPLIED

Your latest show Stop Being So Dramatic sounds like it embraces the dramatic, over the top, cringe behaviour that people in the rainbow community can often be asked to "tone down’'. If you were to arrive in Dunedin and participate in these activities, describe how you would buck that trend and "stand out’' in fabulous fashion.

The St Clair Polar Plunge.

Every June winter about 300 hardy locals run screaming into the surf, plunging into water that can be about 9°C.

Chris Parker: Swimming in St Clair’s icy waters in the peak of summer can still be too cold for me.

The only waters you will catch me in is the wave pool at Moana Pool ... does that pool still have a wave pool? Or is that a memory I have made up from my time in Dunedin.

Post-party cleanup on Castle St

Cleaning up after a post-party student bash that might leave scorched couches and the odd accidental house fire in its wake.

CP: Is this an actual event? Cleaning! Well my solution here would be to reuse, reduce and recycle the waste and turn all those burnt couches into some kind of gigantic sculpture. Dunedin loves a bit of public art, how about adding a new one to the city ... one that is a total fire risk.

Water-runner for the Highlanders

The forwards need hydration mid-scrum. Walk us through your most theatrical sprint on to the turf, the pep you would shout at a 120kg prop

CP: I would like to swap my role for the man who gets lifted up by his shorts like a ballerina to catch the ball in a "lineout". I believe I have the beauty, grace and poise for that role ... sorry, position.

Speed Sheep Shearing contest at the Taieri A&P Show

The farmer hands you the clippers. How would you style your shearing outfit, what flourishes would you add to ‘zhush’ up the sheep's cut.

CP: I think rather than shaving down the sheep and giving it a number one, buzz cut, I would opt for a more subtle cut and colour. Maybe some summery highlights.

The mullet has come back into style, so short up the front, and long down the back with all the dags.

In terms of my farmer outfit, I would make zero changes, I have always thought I would look good in a swannie and hot pants.

Midnight ghost tour at Larnach Castle

You are led through the darkened ballroom and a sudden gust slams the door behind you. What choice words would you deliver to southern ghosts.

CP: I would invite the ghost to see my show at the Glenroy Auditorium on Saturday, July 12.

It can even join and befriend all the ghosts in that theatre.

I swear backstage is haunted!