The secret diary of ... Chris Hipkins being boring

Labour leader Chris Hipkins. Photo: RNZ
Labour leader Chris Hipkins. Photo: RNZ

By Steve Braunias

MONDAY

It was nice to see Simon Bridges today at the Auckland Chamber of Commerce where I gave my State of the Nation address.

‘‘How are you,’’ I asked.

‘‘Yeah, all goods,’’ he said. ‘‘Looking forward to your speech!’’

‘‘I haven’t seen you in a while,’’ I said.

‘‘We’re both busy,’’ he said. ‘‘You’ll have had a full plate hashing out fresh ideas and innovative solutions with your team in advance of your speech!’’

‘‘I remember seeing you around Parliament quite a lot back in the day,’’ I said.

‘‘But that was then and this is now,’’ he said. ‘‘What are the headlines going to be from your speech?’’

‘‘I can’t believe summer is nearly over,’’ I said.

‘‘Well, it’s time for you to raise the temperature in the room,’’ he said. ‘‘I’ll introduce you and then you can make your speech!’’

‘‘It’s been nice talking to you,’’ I said.

TUESDAY

It was nice to sit down with Toni for dinner this evening after a busy day at work.

‘‘I like the vinaigrette you made for the salad,’’ she said.

‘‘It’s oil, lemon, balsamic vinegar, and seasoning,’’ I said.

‘‘How did you do these potatoes?’’, she asked.

‘‘I boiled them,’’ I said.

‘‘What are these sausages?’’, she asked.

‘‘Huttons Sizzlers double cheese,’’ I said.

‘‘Pass the tomato sauce, please,’’ she said.

I looked out the window. The light in the sky was pale.

‘‘I can’t believe summer is nearly over,’’ I said.

WEDNESDAY

It was nice to catch up with Jacinda on Zoom today.

‘‘I hear you are going to live in Sydney,’’ I said.

‘‘Seed-nee,’’ she said with a laugh. ‘‘I better start talking Australian!’’

‘‘Oh-right-yes-I get it-you were putting on an Australian accent,’’ I said.

‘‘So how’s election year going?,’’ she asked. ‘‘Are you and the team coming up with fresh ideas and innovative solutions?’’

I said, ‘‘I’m setting out our priorities around jobs, health, homes and the cost of living, but won’t be announcing policy until Budget Day in May. When I make those commitments I want to know I can deliver on them. I want to wait until after the Budget so we know what we’re dealing with. I think that’s very responsible.’’

She looked very sleepy on the Zoom call.

This impression was reinforced when she began yawning.

‘‘Neve wants me,’’ she said with a laugh. ‘‘Best report to the boss!’’

‘‘Well, nice to talk,’’ I said. ‘‘And all the best in Sydney. How’s the weather?’’

THURSDAY

It was nice to sit down after dinner and watch Coronation Street at 9.30pm.

Jodie was tracked down by a stranger, Bernie threatened to report Mal for breaking in, and Maggie reminded Lauren who calls the shots.

FRIDAY

It was nice to sit down with Toni for dinner this evening after a busy day at work.

She asked, ‘‘Have you made salad, potatoes, and Huttons Sizzlers double cheese for the fourth night in row?’’

‘‘Yes,’’ I said. ‘‘It’s a good, reliable meal. I think that’s very responsible.’’

We ate in silence.

I looked out the window.

The light in the sky was pale.

There was some infinite melancholy to it, a sadness that stirred up strange, mystical, almost Celtic feelings of shadows and legends, of an epic quest, a long journey, of things lost in the distance, like seaspray rolling in along a stretch of beach that you walk towards but never touch,
like something ending before it began.

‘‘I can’t believe summer is nearly over,’’ I said.