Regardless of what triggers abuse, there is never any excuse for it, says a Wakatipu woman who suffered years of emotional abuse from a partner.
The woman (who cannot be named, to protect her children) spoke out yesterday about her experiences because she believes the issue needs to be faced by society, instead of being hidden, as it so often is.
An incident between sports presenter Tony Veitch and his former partner, showed how people tried to minimise domestic violence and hide it, she said.
"[The film] Once were Warriors stereotyped it, but it can happen anywhere, in any level of society."
The woman, who holds a high-profile role in the Wakatipu community, suffered emotional, rather than physical abuse, but said both types of abuse in a relationship were driven by the desire for power over a partner.
It was hard for victims to escape, a factor other people found hard to understand, she said.
"They stay with them [the abuser] because they have gone through a cycle of behaviour and become accustomed to it."
What often started as quite minor incidents become bigger and more frequent over time, with both parties covering it up, she said.
The woman was adamant violence and abuse in relationships were community issues, and people who were aware of such behaviour should act.
"It seems easy to say it's a personal matter. No, it's a matter for society."
"The effects are far greater than the people involved.
"If you don't feel right about it, act - maybe not right away; consider it, but act."
Intervention from outside agencies such as Wakatipu Abuse Prevention Network did help.
The publicity surrounding Mr Veitch led her to revisit her experiences yet again, with flashbacks to incidents she had worked hard to put in the past.
"With every mention of the incident in the media, I get taken into that room. I visualise [again] what happened."
It was possible to move on and, with time and help, to heal.
"The hardest thing is to know it's not right and to make changes."
