SECTIONS

Dazed and Confused

OpinionMay 9

Science of fingernail growth speed baffling

People go to university for many reasons. I assumed back then my own reason - wanting to know why fingernails grew so fast - was completely normal. Like most boys straight out of high school, I knew pretty much everything else there was to know, but the fingernail growth thing mystified me so much I often broke out into a rash.
OpinionMay 2

Handing out some stick over glue that doesn’t

I would be the first to admit I am far too kind to the city's $2 stores.
OpinionApril 25

Jarring shards of stupidity in a world of zombie thinkers

I don't know whether it is the colossal amount of zombie television on offer, or, within that, Mike Hosking, but people around me appear to have lapsed into an intellectually arid state I can only compare to what I find embedded in the soles of my sneakers after walking through mud.
OpinionApril 18

Come into my bath, said the spider to the Buddhist-leaning mug

Spiders. Spiders as big as tennis balls, rolling through our house like, well, tennis balls. Bigger than tennis balls. As big as microwave ovens. I have photos. Why?
OpinionApril 11

Patiently awaiting red letterbox day

Patience, as the cliche goes, is a virtue.
Patiently awaiting red letterbox day
Patiently awaiting red letterbox day
OpinionMarch 28

Just dyeing to be taken seriously

A close friend, steeped in fashion, was chatting steeply to me during iD Fashion Week, and, noticing, with a pointing and immaculate fingernail, one of the week's male acolytes across the room, mentioned to me that he would look a lot better if he didn't dye his hair.
Just dyeing to be taken seriously
Just dyeing to be taken seriously
OpinionMarch 21

Stroke of genius provides the best fashion show soundtrack ever

Stroke of genius provides the best fashion show soundtrack ever.
Stroke of genius provides the best fashion show soundtrack ever
Stroke of genius provides the best fashion show soundtrack ever
OpinionMarch 7

Killing nasty bugs is just a racket

Most rational thinkers agree the best things in life are free.
OpinionFebruary 29

Futsal, horses, furnace-like heat

What a day last Wednesday was!
OpinionFebruary 22

Imagine if Prince had been hip to huge peril of dancing

My people in the music industry, unaware I left the music industry some time ago, continue to send me information daily.
Imagine if Prince had been hip to huge peril of dancing
Imagine if Prince had been hip to huge peril of dancing
OpinionFebruary 15

Well done, Luke, but is this feat even better?

The power of a morning newspaper is the way it can awaken a deep-sleeping brain so early in the day.
OpinionFebruary 8

Back to the bath, the fount of all creativity

I have written before of the creative power one has when up-to-the-nose sunken in a bath, and when I survey my column schedule for the next three years, I see I will be writing on The Bath quite a few more times.
Back to the bath, the fount of all creativity
Back to the bath, the fount of all creativity
OpinionFebruary 1

TV appetites drive absurd sport space

In recent years, there has been a shoal of new sports either added to or withdrawn from the Olympic Games.
TV appetites drive absurd sport space
TV appetites drive absurd sport space
OpinionJanuary 25

Media 'silly season' never fails to deliver

As someone who has curled in and out of the media for most of my adult life, I love what we media people call "the silly season'', that time of the year when somehow we patch together programmes or newspapers despite so many (male) staff lying beer-comatose on their backs staring into the sun.
Media 'silly season' never fails to deliver
Media 'silly season' never fails to deliver
OpinionJanuary 11

No modern craze can beat reading in a puddle of light

What an enormous huffing and puffing of glee there was at the start of this year when it was announced books were holding their own against the abomination of Kindle culture.
No modern craze can beat reading in a puddle of light
No modern craze can beat reading in a puddle of light
OpinionJanuary 4

Pants-on-fire aims produce no more than damp squib

Rational thinkers appear to be in substantial agreement that the opening line of Ronald Hugh Morrieson's novel The Scarecrow - "The same week our fowls were stolen, Daphne Moran had her throat cut'' - is one of the finest openings to a book extant.
OpinionDecember 28

Lifting the wrapping paper on forbidden gifts

The command went out this Christmas from the sister-in-law, the most querulous call I have heard in years, I have to say, that there were to be No Christmas Presents For Adults.
OpinionDecember 21

Men have no time to think about white bears

That hoary old chestnut - and the fact I am considering whether to spell hoary that way underlines what an old chestnut this is - came up again last Wednesday during fervent discussion at an inner city cafe: men, says the chestnut, think about sex 1500 times a day.
OpinionDecember 14

Comic genius overdue for an overseas break

The fascinating thing about Lorde's climb to the top of the global music tree was the sheer speed of it.
Comic genius overdue for an overseas break
Comic genius overdue for an overseas break
OpinionNovember 30

Such an evening of music can gladden the heart

The evening began at the former Rugby Hotel in Carroll St.
OpinionNovember 17

Winging it with Fleetwood Mac in times of rumour

Fleetwood Mac. People with terribly young eyes are asking me if I am going to see them in November.
Winging it with Fleetwood Mac in times of rumour
Winging it with Fleetwood Mac in times of rumour
OpinionNovember 16

Finding laces a bit of a scrabble

Shoelaces. I doubt if I have spent more than half a dozen inner-city coffee chats in the past 40 years without this topic rising to the cup's surface like an undrunken marshmallow.
Finding laces a bit of a scrabble
Finding laces a bit of a scrabble
OpinionNovember 9

Importance of achievement not to be belittled

The Logan Park High School senior prizegiving last Wednesday night was a staggering thing.
OpinionNovember 2

Fifty reasons why Rosie would have crackled

Close personal friend, let's just call her Rosie, if for no other reason than that is her name.
OpinionOctober 26

May this wonderful old hall of musical memories stand forever

The University of Otago's Marama Hall has bobbed and weaved its way intriguingly through my life, music most often the lure.
May this wonderful old hall of musical memories stand forever
May this wonderful old hall of musical memories stand forever