Former All Blacks and Crusaders fullback Israel Dagg has revealed his journey through a mental health battle and struggle with alcoholism.

The rugby star, who played 66 tests for the All Blacks between 2010 and 2017, spoke openly on the Between Two Beers Podcast about his childhood, grieving his mother and his five-year spiral after his retirement.

The father-of-two, 38, had a life many dreamed of until a knee injury forced him to retire in 2019, leading to a battle with depression and addiction.

“You go from having everything done, calendar, you know, people doing your laundry. And then as soon as you retire, you’re gone.”

The episode begins with Dagg speaking about growing up in a state house in Hawke’s Bay.

He experienced starvation as a kid and the household’s power going out regularly.

“It was tough, very tough but honestly … I truly believe it gave me the drive and ambition to go out there and make something of myself.”

Dagg’s career spanned 13 years and 66 tests. He was 30 when he was forced to retire following a string of serious injuries.

Once he retired, he stopped training completely and weight gain quickly followed.

His world had been turned upside down and he was left questioning: “If I’m not an All Black, who am I?”.

“You had the identity of being an athlete and then you retire and when you retire you generally gave up everything – exercise, motivation, you know, getting out of bed and winning the day.”

He was lost and turned to drinking to cope.

He said he began living a life that “was not right” while he was chasing acceptance and the highs that rugby gave him.

“I’m so grateful my kids were so young, they don’t remember Dad drinking, which is great.

“There was a period there I wasn’t a good husband, I wasn’t a great father, I wasn’t a good friend, that’s a period that was really tough.”

Dagg described the five years as a “blank”.

His rock bottom came in 2023 – he said he had to leave his family in Christchurch, and move to Auckland live alone.

Dagg’s wife, Daisy, spoke to the Between Two Beers Podcast before the episode, and they shared some of their conversation.

Daisy, who first met Dagg when they were just 16, told podcast hosts Steven Holloway and Seamus Marten 2023 was a “shocking year”.

“To be with someone with severe depression is one of the hardest things to go through in life, especially with two young children.”

She said she was forced into survival mode to stay strong for her children when their father couldn’t be present.

“You go from being the most loved person in their life to the most hated very quickly. It’s very confronting.”

She said she encouraged him to get professional help, but he was unwilling at the time.

“I don’t think anyone really realised how bad it was,” Daisy said.

Dagg said he was grateful she stuck around to support him, because “she shouldn’t have”.

He said what helped him pick himself back up was taking ownership.

“You made the mistakes. Those were your actions. Don’t look for an excuse ... for me, I used depression as an excuse.

“Ownership is the biggest thing you could do.”

He said after reaching rock bottom three years ago, he is now in “a really good spot” and has been sober nearly three years.

“I just feel truly blessed. To live the life that we live, to wake up with two beautiful kids, a beautiful wife.”

-Allied Media