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Last month I was moved by an article on this page written by an anonymous woman grieving the decline of her mother from Alzheimer’s (Opinion ODT 31.8.26).
My heart goes out to her as does my compassion for her plight. I know first hand the pain of watching a loved one decline from a neuro-degenerative disease like Alzheimer’s (ALZMS).
The author ended her article with the heartfelt plea: “I should have a choice to end my life the way I have strived to live it with dignity. Please.”
Equally moving to me in recent days has been the sight of watching the rugby league player Jai Arrow being afforded the opportunity to “play” his 100th NRL game for his club the South Sydney Rabbitohs. This despite Jai being recently diagnosed with Motor Neuron Disease ( MND).
Watching Jai walk onto the field to the tune of You’ll Never Walk Alone bought a tear to my eye. Perhaps even more moving was the image of seeing his coach put on Jai’s socks before the game because Jai was unable to perform this most simple of tasks for himself.
This is but one of the many difficulties we encounter when supporting someone with MND or ALZMS or Dementia.
This got me thinking about where our dignity comes from.
As a follower of Jesus, I believe the biblical witness is clear that our dignity is derived from being created in the image of God. Not by how clever we are, how competent we are or how good our memory is. Simply by virtue of being born a human.
“You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honour”. ( Psalm 8:5)
The anonymous ODT author speaks about wanting the choice to die with dignity. I heartily agree we should be able to live and die with dignity.
I don’t however believe we should get the choice about when we live and die.
A friend of mine once spoke about the bell curve of life. I found it a helpful image where the bell curve could be described as measuring our capacity to live.
It starts off very low as a child and then somewhere in our 30 and 40’s we reach our physical, emotional
and mental potential.
Caring for a wife who suffers from both dementia and Motor Neuron Disease, I have realised that her journey now is one of regressing back into childlike capabilities and instincts. A once vibrant person has lost her ability to walk and shower and speak and care for her own personal needs.
Where does her dignity come from now? Spiritually it comes from the love of God who created her but at a practical level, I take great care to ensure that I can be the person who grants her dignity.
Dignity in the sense of what our culture might expect of a woman in her 60’s. I also have a church and a team of carers who equally grant Mary the dignity she deserves.
We recently had a wedding at our church that I was taking, and Mary’s carers made sure that she was looking beautiful and cared for as I presided at the wedding ceremony.
This is no different to how we treated our children when they were young.
Dignity in life often needs to be ascribed by others when your capabilities are restricted by age or health limitations.
Wayne Bennet putting on Jai Arrows socks before his 100th game was a beautiful example of this very truth, just as surely as a parent getting their child ready to begin their first day of school is.
Dignity is bestowed as a gift and not earned.
My compassion for the anonymous writer runs deep. I know all too well the pain of sitting in a rest home where many of the residents look out blankly hiding lives of long forgotten vibrancy and beauty behind vacant looks.
And when it’s your mum or your wife looking blank, the grief runs deep.
But oh, how I want to give the writer hope. Hope that this life is not the end. There is more, so much more.
Mary’s favourite song used to be Walk Around Heaven All Day. The hope I have in Jesus, is that in God’s time, not mine,
Mary will be called home and be clothed with a new body and a new mind and she will be singing the praises of her Creator for the life she was granted on earth and then the life of eternity in heaven.
A life where “there will be no more death, mourning, crying or pain for the old order has passed away” (Revelation 21:4). I so desire for you to know that hope also.
- The Rev Stu Crosson is the senior Minister of Hope Church, Dunedin.