MONDAY I got talking to a troll at the Koru Club over a breakfast of kransky sausages and hash browns this morning. I was really impressed with the troll's ideology, which was an exact match of my own thinking. ``Wokesters are holding us back,’’ the troll said, swallowing a kransky sausage without chewing it. ``Yes,’’ I said. ``So are intellectuals,’’ the troll said, smearing fat and grease over their mouth. ``I'll tell you someone else who is holding us back,’’ I said. The troll belched, and said, ``Yeah? Who?’’ I leaned forward, and hissed, ``Doctors.’’ ``Yeah. Hate doctors.’’ I asked, ``What are you doing later?’’ ``Oh, probably spewing forth some invective on social media.’’ ``After that?’’ ``Probably nothing.’’ ``We need to put your talents to work,’’ I said, and appointed the troll to a position on the Medical Council. TUESDAY I got talking to another troll today in a dark, festering basement, where the air was rent with piteous screams and the crunch of peasant's bones underfoot, and I asked, ``What is this place, exactly?’’ The troll croaked, ``The Fourth Circle of Hell.’’ ``Yes, I think I've heard of it,’’ I said. ``It's theme is greed, and is generally reserved for those who value money above everything.’’ After a conversation about political donations, I appointed the troll to a position on the Medical Council. WEDNESDAY I paid a visit to the Ninth Circle of Hell today, and appointed Satan to a position on the Medical Council. It was a difficult negotiation. As a three-headed beast, Satan was busy stuffing three people into three different mouths, and did not pay much heed to my invitation but eventually things got hammered out. I advised the Prime Minister about my three new appointments and he said, ``Yeah, I'm pretty relaxed about it.’’ ``Thank you.’’ ``Keep up the good work, Simon.’’ ``It's Simeon,’’ I said, but he had already walked away. THURSDAY I cannot abide journalism when it investigates right-wing governments determined to overthrow democratic process. Sean Plunket's good like that and I generally don't have a problem with the Herald and none with Newstalk ZB but Andrea Vance from The Post is a loose cannon. She questioned the appointment of one of my trolls to the Medical Council. She asked whether I was aware of the troll's public profile, whether I consulted the Medical Council were consulted, whether any concerns were raised about public confidence, and whether I had discussed the appointment with the Free Speech Union (FSU). Two hours and 16 minutes after I received the questions, the FSU issued a press release attacking Vance. They certainly move fast. I hope that teaches Vance a lesson. In the best interests of free speech, she should shut up. FRIDAY I got talking to a troll at the Koru Club over a breakfast of kransky sausages and hash browns this morning, and appointed the kransky to a position on the Medical Council.
