It was a small item, the incongruities of which arrested my attention for marginally longer than the average newspaper brief.
First, the driver had been pulled over for driving slowly! Second, the driver was a jockey.
Third, in mitigation the driver pleaded that she hadn't eaten for some considerable hours.
Conventional wisdom decrees that most people are pulled over on the roads for driving too fast, so it is reassuring to know that God's Own's finest - the men and women who will be giving up their statutory holidays this year to police the Christmas traffic - appreciate that the wisdom of Aesop is not unconstrained. (The myth of the hare and the tortoise has a lot to answer for.)
That is to say driving at 20kmh below the speed limit on the highway can be as dangerous to other road users as driving 20kmh above it.
We also tend to think of jockeys as people perennially in a hurry. Not always true, apparently.
And, well, a hungry driver is a slow driver? In that case, with everyone sated and having eaten far too much over the next couple of weeks, there shouldn't be anything at all to worry about.
In fact, a betting man would put money on record numbers of speeding fines.
Given that the roads over the next few weeks will be crammed with drivers all heading in exactly the same direction for that annual family get-together, or long-dreamed-of escape to a lonely (and mythical) beach somewhere, there's a good chance of encountering some of the motorised "wildlife" that typically makes an appearance at this time of year.
Here's a sample, offered in the spirit of forewarned is forearmed.
The Time-Warp Driver: This proud driver carefully spends half a day waxing, spitting, and polishing, before setting off on a relaxed jaunt - being careful that the speedometer needle never exceeds 55.
The problem is said driver - stuck somewhere in the 1950s - doesn't seem to realise that the 55 on his dial reads kilometres per hour, rather than miles, and that the speed limit on the open road is actually 100.
What is more, he or she remains oblivious to everything around them but the scenery - including the fact that a queue of near-suicidal road rage is backed up for 2km behind.
The Time-Warp Driver is a relic from the days when motoring was essentially a pursuit of the leisured classes rather than primarily a mode of transport used by the hoi polloi to get from A to B as promptly and safely as possible.
The Tailgate Nutter: Advice about keeping the requisite number of car lengths behind the car in front failed ever to register with this particular driver.
This is the Speedy Gonzales who, stuck in a line of traffic, despite the lack of opportunity for passing, will insist on pulling out and overtaking anyway - then forcing his (almost always his) way back into the queue two or three vehicles further forward and hard up against the bumper of the car ahead.
A dangerous manoeuvre at 100kmh.
The Dipstick Driver: A nocturnal creature who seems to have forgotten where the dip switch is and thus drives blithely on towards oncoming traffic with headlights screeching "Look out, here I come!" Problematic because on the receiving end you can be all but blinded.
The Signal Failure: Not entirely unrelated to the Dipstick Driver, the Signal Failure does not seem to know where his/her indicator stick is.
Hence this driver motors on seemingly unaware of the trail of near accidents caused and discourtesies offered as he or she executes sudden and unpredicted manoeuvres.
The Affronted Motorist: Everybody's favourite pet road-hog hate, who recently rated a mention by my esteemed colleague, Prester John.
This is the safe, conservative driver (nothing wrong with that in itself) whose usual mode entails pootering along at 90kmh without a care in the world.
Mysteriously this specimen suddenly discovers the accelerator when other cars pull up along side on the only bit of dual-carriage passing lane this side of Timbuktu.
Having hung on patiently waiting for just such an opportunity, nobody behind can get past.
A kilometre or so down the road and the driver's blood pressure and speed seem to have dropped back to a leisurely 90.
If you do happen to get past, the driver will look at you with a disconcerting degree of outrage - as if you have just run over his family cat - which, right at this moment and given the opportunity, is something you would gladly do.
Happy and safe motoring.
Simon Cunliffe is the assistant editor at the Otago Daily Times.
