We tell people to "reach out", but how do we respond when someone does need help, asks Bonnie Scarth.
Suicide prevention and awareness campaigns encourage us to "reach out" or "ask for help" if we’re distressed or suicidal.
What isn’t always clear, however, is how we can help people to notice when someone is "reaching out" — cues which are often not verbal, but rather through behaviour that might not always be welcoming.
We also need to know how to respond appropriately to someone reaching out, however that request for help may appear.
While it may seem overwhelming or daunting to connect with someone who verbally tells you they are in distress or suicidal, this is actually much easier to respond to compared with when someone is non-verbally showing signs of potential suicidality.
Non-verbal signs can include any marked behaviour change (including going from sad all the time to suddenly happy), increased drug and alcohol use, anger and irritability, reckless behaviour that may endanger their life, difficulties sleeping, withdrawing or isolating, and giving away possessions, to name a few.
In addition, while some people may not talk about suicide per se, they may mention that they "feel like a burden" or seem like they feel helpless and talk about "having no purpose".
So, how can you respond to someone who you are worried about?
Firstly, it is important to keep yourself safe in this process, especially if you have your own difficulties.
Equipping yourself with good support from friends, whanau, or the numerous services and helplines listed with this article, is a good start.
To quote a well-used airline adage: put on your own oxygen mask first — you’ll be much better able to support your loved one (or colleague, friend, client — whoever it may be).
Secondly, do not be afraid to ask directly whether they are thinking about suicide.
There is a significant amount of evidence that asking someone directly as to whether or not they are thinking about suicide does not put the idea in their head — instead, it actually decreases anxiety and may in fact reduce the person’s suicidal thoughts.
It is best to ask in a relaxed, direct, non-judgemental and compassionate manner — e.g. "You know, a lot of people who go through what you are going through at the moment consider suicide, so I’m just checking if that’s something you have been thinking about?"
If they say no, accept that, but still listen and be there for them.
At least now they know you’re a safe person that they can come to if they do think about it.
If they say yes, respond as calmly as possible and emphasise how much you care about them and that you want to support them to get the help they need.
It is important to remember that the majority of people get through difficult times, get the help they need, whether from professional services, or friends and whanau, and recover and go on to live fulfilling lives.
We, as a community, can all be a part of ensuring that more people recover and heal.
- Bonnie Scarth is the Southern district suicide prevention/postvention co-ordinator with WellSouth primary health network. Bonnie can be contacted at bonnie.scarth@wellsouth.org.nz.
Where to get help
Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 anytime for support from a trained counsellor.
Lifeline: 0800 543-354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828-865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
Samaritans: 0800 726-666
Youthline: 0800 376-633, free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz
What’s Up: 0800 942-8787 (for 5 to 18-year-olds)
Kidsline: 0800 54-37-54 (0800 kidsline) for
young people up to 18 years old. Open 24/7.
https://wellsouth.nz/community/about-us/health-and-wellbeing/mh-concerns/suicide-resources-and-information/ (this link provides information on how to develop a safety plan with someone you’re concerned about, and also lists numerous contacts for each area of the Southern district).
