Whether her son was overseas serving his country or off hunting alone in hazardous terrain, Pam Laing would always worry.
But she knew she could not stop former New Zealand Army soldier Matthew John Laing (23) doing what he loved.
Mrs Laing's "nightmare" came true when she found out on Monday he had died while on a solo hunting trip in Mt Aspiring National Park. It appeared he fell while hunting chamois on precipitous mountain faces above the Rob Roy Valley.
"It was a shock, a disbelief, that it happened," Mrs Laing, of Clyde, said yesterday.
"I always worry, and I always say 'if I worry, he will always come back safe'. And it didn't happen this time."
Her son's body was found about 6.45pm on Monday, a day after he was reported overdue and a large-scale search effort was launched for him.
The worst-case scenario for his family would have been never finding his body.
"He just loved being up in the hills any time he could, and if someone couldn't go with him, he would go alone, which we weren't ever keen on, but we couldn't stop him. It was his passion," Mrs Laing said.
"I worried because it's a mother's instinct. But he had no worries, no issues, no fears. It was just one wrong step, I suppose."
Mr Laing, known to friends as "Lainga", was drawn to the high-adrenaline side of life.
He had expressed an interest in trying out for the elite SAS (Special Air Service) or police Armed Offenders Squad.
He served two overseas tours in five years with the New Zealand Army, to East Timor and the Sinai in Egypt.
He rejected opportunities to move up the ranks "because he didn't want to sit at a desk".
"He was very physical. He's always been very fit and energetic, and he liked challenges," Mrs Laing said.
"So the army certainly challenged him and made him into a fine young man. So we are very proud of him and what he did in the army.
"He just decided he needed some time out to decide what to do next."
Mr Laing was planning to go to Canada in May for his OE.
"His father [Russell] went to Canada as well, for an OE trip, so he was almost following in the footsteps, which would have been wonderful, but unfortunately he's not going to live that dream.
"He's really keen on rugby, as well, so he was hoping to play rugby over there.
"He really wanted to have that time out and explore, without having to be in a set place."
On an online tribute page yesterday, friends described Mr Laing as a "real lad's lad" and the "most genuine, nicest, caring guy"
Mr Laing was described as "very loyal, dedicated and hardworking" and a talented rugby player by rugby team captain Cory Crosbie, of Clyde.
Mr Laing played as a lock for the Clyde-Earnscleugh premier team and Mr Crosbie said that he was "Clyde's version of Brad Thorn but with skinny legs ... [He was] just one of those guys that would go in head down, bum up - a real workhorse".
Off the field Mr Crosbie described him as a "very good guy".
- Jarrod Booker with additional reporting by Sarah Marquet
